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Adultery Lust " Kimat " Love [completed]

Update - 90

Par mere phone milane par sirf ring jati rahi aur kuch nahi.. Puri ring hoti use pehle mene kat dia kyun ki achanak ye zehen mein aya ki aise itni raat ko phone milana shayad sahi nahi hai. Nind jaise kahin kho gayi, man itna bechain ho gaya ki samajh nahi aya kya karun.. do sawalon mein kho gaya tha, message karun ? ya nahi.. do teen bar kosish ki par nahi hua, ajeeb musibat thi.. ajeeb fansa dia isne.. jab baat nahi karni thi to phone kyun kia ? i mean.. ye galat hai bc..... Sone jata uski jagah tv dekhne baith gaya, tv mein to vaise hi kuch nahi ata.. ek channel par akar ruk gaya kyun ki vahan gane badia aa rahe the, aa to purane rhe the lekin badia lag rahe the. Sunte hue meri nazar phone par gayi.. ye sali chiz hi kharab hai.. phone nahi ye ladkiyan... Akhir phone utha kar mene message ke liye whtsapp khol hi dia. Bc zindagi ki adhi barbadi to ye whtsapp hi hai...

" every thing is ok ? " mene message send karke phone aise patka jaise lakhon ki tizori ka maal saaf karke baitha hun aur ye dikha raha hun jaise mene kuch kiya nahi. Dil se ek bhoj phir kam ho gaya ki mene apni taraf se kaam kar dia hai, isliye ek gane mein magan ho gaya...

Kareeb 5 minute baad phone ki taraf nazar gayi to dekha ki led light blink ho rahi thi yani message aya hua tha. Mene phone unlock kia aur dekha akansha ka message aya hua tha.

" hmm yes.. " pehla message

" no " second

" sorry for disturbing " teeno message tab ke the jab mene kiye the yani 5 minute pehle. Chutia se bada chutia hun mein

" akansha are you ok ? " is bar mene whtsapp band nahi kiya aur phir baton ka silsila shuru hua jiske baad ye shuruwat ek ajeeb se ant tak pahunch gayi.

" i am sorry, mujhe tumhe call nahi karna chahie tha "

" are you ok ? " mein apne sawal par hi zama tha.

" yeah.... i don't know "

" kya hua ? "

" nothing "

" personal? "

" i don't know.. " shak to mujhe ho raha tha lekin mein khud se kehna nahi cha raha tha par uske jawab majbur kar rahe the ki mein hi puchun.

" wanna share ? "

" why everything seems so complicated ? "

" mere hissab se complicated hota nahi hai "

" then ? "

" hum banate hai shayad... "

" hum ? kaise ? "
" uhmm.. ichayein bahut hoti hai hamari aur jahan hum umid rakhte hain life wahin se complicate ho jati hai " usne kafi time liya iske baad kuch kehne ke liye, mein bhi baitha raha, agar vo online nahi rehti to shayad chala jata lekin online bhi thi bas ye lag raha tha shayad kahin aur busy hai par uske jawab ne to bata dia ki vo meri hi baat ke bare mein soch rahi thi.

" to kya hume ab umeed bhi nahi rakhni chahie ? "
" nahi mene aisa bhi nahi kaha "

" i am confused "

" Umeed mein feelings judi hoti hai shayad tabhi hum udas hote hain aur yahi reason hai complications ka.. "

" tumhe kaise pta ki mein sad hun ? "

" feelings se.. " baat-cheet itni gehri thi ki mein bas keh gaya.
" can i call you ? if you are ok ? "
" sure " jab samne se ek ladki tumse baat karna chahti hai to ye to pakka hai ki use abhi jarurat hai aur uski jarurat ke hissab se tumse behtar insan koi nahi hai.

Akansha ka agle minute phone aa gaya " hello " mene pick karte hi kaha. Vo phone milane ke baad bhi khamosh thi. Pareshan lag rahi thi.. mein samajh to raha tha ki ek ladki tabhi itna pareshan hoti hai jab uski umeed ki feelings ko chot pahunchti hai ab ya to mein us chot ki vajah jan sakta tha ya phir uspar malham laga kar uski jalan ko kam kar sakta tha, pehle raste mein shayad mere pas kuch na hota par dusre raste mein kuch jarur mil jata..

" itni khamoshi kyun hai bhai ? " bahut hi cheap aur ghatia shuruwat thi par karni to thi hi
 
Update - 91

Meri baat ka koi reaction nahi dia usne, bada ajeeb sa moment hota hai ye samajh nahi ata ki kya kahe aur kya nahi..

" akansha.. " naam pukarne par usne reaction dia.

" hmm... " aur phir mera dhayan phone ke background ki taraf gaya uski itni khamoshi hi thi jisne us shor ko suna dia.

" ek ladki sidhi sadhi si.. soti raton mein jagi si.. " mene kaha aur vo ek pal ke liye samjhi nahi.. " yahi song sun rahi hu aap abhi.. mein bhi yahi channel par song laga kar baitha hun.. "

" bhighi bhagi si.. " vo boli.

" matlab ? "

" ek ladki bhighi bhagi ssi.. "

" han yahi song sun raha hun "

" tumne sidhi sadhi kaha.. "

" ohh acha.... "

" old song pasnd hai tumhe ? " usne mujhse pucha.

" nahi.. par kabhi kabhi sukun de dete hai.. as in relief.. "

" hmm " itni upset ? jada ho raha hai ye.. nahi koi badi baat hi hui hogi, par puchunga to vo aur upset hogi, isme koi faiyda to hoga nahi balki batein shayad yahi khatam ho jaye.

" apko yaad hai apne mujhse kuch pucha tha ? "

" hello ? " response na ane par mene kaha.

" uhmm... i am sorry.. mera dhayan nahi tha.. "

" ohk.. "

" tum soch rahe hoge ki kaha fans gaya ? its ok .. you can go.. "

" go se yaad aya.. meri maa ne yahi kaha tha aur mein do din pehle ghar chhod kar aa gaya tha.. "

" matlab ? " vo ek dum se action mein ayi, ladkiyan jitni bhi pareshan kyun ho na lekin batein janne ke liye hamesha taiyar rehti hai. Uske puchne par mene sab bata dia, actually ye baat mein islliye nahi batana chahta tha kyun ki hamare bich kuch itna close relation tha hi nahi.

" tumne aisa kyun kiya ankit ? " vo meri baat sun kar boli. " tum nahi samjhoge ki unpar kaisi beeti hogi.. you know.. jab hum kisi se pyar karte hain to haq hota hai unka hume dantne ka.. "

" haq hi hamare rishton ki sabse kamjor rassi hai..ehsan ki tarah hoti hai.. jab pura kar do tab rishte rehte hain varna jata diye jate hain.. "

" tum.. " usne ek pal ke liye pause lia. " kis way mein rishton ko dekhte ho ? "

" mein.. ? "

" hmm " jawab nahi tha isliye mene kuch time lia.

" matlabi... " mein kuch soch kar bola.

" mein kuch samjhi nahi "

" asan hai.. hum apni feeling kisi ko batate hain.. matlab hua to vo samjhta hai varna apni zindagi mein mashul ho jata hai.. "

" isme feelings mazak hue ? ya rishte ? "

" feelings... rishte jodte hain... aur rishte insan ke matlab.. "

" bina un matlab ke rishte nahi bante ?

" nahi.. "

" galat.. "

" bina un matlab ke hum insan bante hain.. aur ek insan rishte banata hai na ki unke matlab ... " akansha kuch aur kehti use pehle mene apni baat puri ki. Usne ek gehri sans li..

" tum sab itna asan samjhte ho .. "

" kyun ki mein akela hun.. " mein janta tha vo kya kehna chahti hai.

" tumhe sab pata hai.. kya tum ye bata sakte ho ki mein kab khush hongi ? " mein pura andaza laga sakta hun ki usne vo baat bahut masumiyat se kahi thi. Uski awaz ka rukha-pan.. gale mein tehrav.. shayad vo roo rhi thi.. ya so chuki thi... ya bolte hue rona chahti thi.. inme se kuch to tha.. Mein apni jagah se khada ho gaya...

" hum khush kyun nahi hote janti hai aap ? " mere pas jada waqt nahi tha, jitna tha usme ab irritate karna padne vala tha. Vo kuch nahi boli, mein janta tha vo is waqt mujhe kuch jada hi samjhdar samajh rahi thi aur sath mein irritate ho rahi thi.

" apke pas koi hai.. ? "

" matlab.. " usne apni naak sikodi, jaise rote tym hum aksar karte hain.

" apko hi nahi pata ki apke pass kya hai.. "

" nahi... kya.. "

" aap khud... "

" mein samjhi nahi.. "

" mere pas kya hai mere alawa... akelapan right ? "

" hmm.. "

" to apke pas kya hai apke alawa.. ? "

" uhhh.. "

" apki ye khamoshi.. "

" do you want to go ? " mein janta tha meri baton se yahi hona tha.

" kyun ? "

" i don't know.. it feels like it.. "

" but if you wanna go its fine.. i can understand... " vo bolti gayi mein chup raha.. jaise vo khamosh thi ab mein tha.. " ankit .. r u there ? "

" yes.. sorry.. vo just.. i think.. apka koi door knock kar raha hai.. ? "

" mine ? " usne jaise phone khud se dur krte hue kaha. " no.. "

" hmm.. aisa laga ki koi apka door knock kar raha tha... acha mein kuch keh raha tha.. apne abhi apni feeling ki baat kahi.. right ? "

" hmm.. "

" to kya aap ye bata sakti hai ki... " mein ruka.. " apne suni ? "

" kya ? "

" apka koi door knock kar raha hai.. "

" par.. i couldn't hear.. wait.. "

" dhayan se kholna.. der kafi ho gayi hai.. " usne apne kan se phone hata lia tha aur phone par uske chalne ki awaz aa rahi thi. Iske baad uske door ki lock khulne ki awaz ayi aur phir dhire se door khulne ki jo jada nahi tha..

" kaun .. ? " Usne apna chehra bahar nikalte hue kaha aur phir.. " ankit you.. ? "

" apne kaha tha na ki apke future ki khushi kahan hai ... " mein halka sa smile karte hue bola. Ye mene kaise kiya mein khud nahi janta.. lekin akansha ki us baat ke baad mein ghar se nikal gaya... aur usko baat mein bas uljhaye rakhna chahta tha taki time par pahunch saku.. mein janta tha ki vo mujhe dekh kar khush to nahi hogi lekin mein to use dekh paunga ki vo kaisi hai, keh nahi sakta.. par shayad ye baat sahi hai ... ki himmat ke liye insan ko kisi ke sath hi jarurat nahi hoti... vo hamesha uske sath hi hoti hai..
 
Update - 92

" apne kaha tha na ki apke future ki khushi kahan hai ... "

Mene tab ye bolne se pehle nahi socha tha ki iska asar aur asliyat meri zindagi mein aage bhi ayegi.

" ankit, how ? i mean.. " use bilkul umid nahi thi uski ye confusion saaf bata rahi thi.

" i think, ki aap khush nahi ho " meri baat sunne se pehle uske chehre par smile nahi thi lekin kehte hi vo halka muskura padi.

" aisa to mene nahi kaha.. "

" bina kahe andaz samajh jana hi to feeling kehte hai akansha ji.. " mene ye baat kahi mazakiye tarike se thi, lekin mein us waqt ye samajh nahi paya ki is baat ke piche ka matlab kuch aur hi tha.

" why.. ? " kuch der pehle akansha jo apne darwaje par chup kar khadi thi ab vo uske shahare khadi mere se baat kar rahi thi.

" matlab ? "

" ye surprise kisliye.. " uske kehne ka matlab mere ane se tha.

" Ye surprise hai ? seriously... finally mene kisi ko surprise to dia. " mera reaction kuch jada hi over reaction tha.. Bahut si chizen sikhni thi mujhe.. Vo kuch nahi boli to mene hi apne reaction ko control kia.

" i don't know honestly, par han.. " mene ek second liya sochne ke liye " kabhi kabhi dil ki sun leni chahie kyun ki vahi dusre dil ke kori dhadkno ki awaz sun sakta hai... "

" how sweet... " vo bahut halki awaz mein boli par mujhe sunai de gayi aur mein nature ke viprit sharma sa gaya. Na vo kuch boli aur na mein.. ye aisi khamoshi thi jisne meri soch ko pareshan kar dia tha, mein kabi uski taraf dekhta to kabhi idhar udhar...

" are you ok now ? " akhir kuch na soche jane par mene yahi pucha.

" hmm.. " vo itni hi boli, mene pehli bar uski ankhon mein dhayan se dekha, pata nahi raat ki nind thi ya phir uski pareshani ..

" good.. mein ab chalta hun... take care.. " mere kehne par use jaise kuch yaad aya.

" ohh i m sorry.. andar aao.. mujhe to dhayan hi nahi raha.. i am so sorry.. " vo darwaje se hati.

" nah nah... phir kabhi.. raat bahut ho gayi hai.. good night.. u take care.. bye.. "

" bye... nd good night... " dono ke chehre par ek smile thi, mere chehre par isliye kyun ki mein khud se satisfed tha uske chehre par... ?

Subh alaram bajne par utha, par nind itni thi ki laita raha.. late to hona hi tha to socha ho hi jaye aaj late..

" uth ja .. " rahul ne meri gand par chapet laga di, sala ek number ka dalla bisexual hai.. harami.. mene man mein kaha par koi jawab nahi dia.

" tune kal akansha ka number itni jaldi mein kyun manga tha.. ? " mene phir koi jawab nahi dia.

" salle dalle bhul mat uska kabhi bhi tanka bhid sakta hai.. vo already numbered hai.. " pata nahi kyun uski is baat ne meri gand sulga di.

" teri gand mein kyun itne kide nach rahe hain... madarchod... apne kaam se kaam rakha kar.... tere se kisi ne pucha uska kya hai kya nahi.. aa jayega apni gand bich mein lekar marane .. itna hi shauk hai to sale red light par khada ho jaya kar roz.. bc ab ye launde sikhayenge hume jo khud apni boss ki gand mar kar office mein zinda hai... " vo mere chehre ko ghur raha tha.

" pyar se bhi bol sakta hai.. bhadak kyun raha hai.. ja taiyar ho jaa.. " vo phir meri gand par chatak lagate hue bola aur room se nikal gaya.

" aur bhosdike.. ye teri gand nahi hai jo hak samajh kar bajata rehta hai... "

" apni gand kaun bajata hai be ... i like every other gand's hahaha.. " vo bol kar flat se nikal gaya. mein kuch nahi bola aur phir naha dho kar office ke liye nikal gaya. Office pahunchne ke baad mene phone nikal kar net on kia to kuch apps ke notification aur whtsapp par messages the, jinme se ek akansha ka tha.

" thank you.. it means a lot, what you had done today.. " man to kiya nach uthun.. chatti ful rahi thi.. garv mehsus ho raha tha. Samajh hi nahi aya ki jawab kya dun ? Bas simple wala smily send kar dia aur phone rakh kar kuch thoda kaam pada tha use khatam karne laga.

" are you free ? lunch ? " uska message dekh kar chehra khil utha, kaam niptane ke baad jab phone dekha to uska message tha. Mene 'sure' likha aur phir use lunch par join kar lia. Vo kal ke mukable aaj kuch alag mood mein thi, yani khush.. pichle lunch ke mukable is bar hamari batein jada thi.. ek raat rishte mein.. nahi nahi ek pal.. rishte ko badal kar kahan se kahan le jate hain iska pata insan ko nahi chalta.. shayad yahi vo connection wali feeling hoti hai jisme hume umeed nahi hoti lekin phir bhi rishta jud jata hai.. shayad ise hi rishta kehte hain.... Do batein, do pal ki khushi aur phir unhi baton ka intezar.....

Mene kabhi is baat ko nahi socha ki mera use rishta kya hai, mene sirf us pal ko dekha jab uski mulakat mere sath hui, par jaise jaise waqt aage badh raha tha mein khud se haar raha tha... harna matlab kamjor ... Akansha ek aisi ladki thi jo itni straight thi ki mere jaise complex ke sath koi bhi rishta behad ajeeb tha, ye baat mene do teen bar khud se sochi bhi.. par mein jab bhi is rishte mein negative sochta to khud se hi gussa ho jata.

Lunch to jaise bina ek dusre ke ab hota nahi tha, ek din ki baat hai, lunch karte waqt vo mere sath apni kuch memories share kar rahi thi aur unhe share karti hui us memories mein vo phone par photos dikha rahi thi. Meri to samajh nahi aa raha tha kiski taraf dekhun, un photos ko ya phir uske hanste hue chehre ko jo bilkul mere chehre ke kareeb tha, aisa nahi tha hum dono ek dusre ke kareeb pehli baar baithe the, par filal uska itna kareeb baithna.. mene apni sans par kabu rakha, mein bahut galat jaa raha tha... aur khud se baar baar ye baat khud ko samjha raha tha. Par vo to befikar thi.. jaise kuch nahi hai.. itni befikar.. shayad jo mein feel kar sakta tha uske bare mein vo nahi soch rahi thi aur vo sochegi kyun ? galti uski nahi thi.. balki meri thi... Khud se sawalat karne ke baad mein uski kahani sunne laga.. aur vo apni memories share karti hui jab photos scroll karne lagi to mene ek dum se uska hath rok dia aur ek photo ko piche scroll kar dia.

" kudrat ki paheli ko koi suljha nahi sakta.. "

" kch kaha tumne ? "

" nahi bas.. " mein kuch keh hi nahi saka us photo ke aage, vo shayad subah subah ki li hui ek random click thi.. lekin random sirf vo waqt tha... tasveer to kudrat ki subah ki tarah gulabi thi. Itna nikhar jagne ke baad koi dekh le to shayad uska din kabhi bura jaye hi na.. uppar se vo banawati muskurana.. aisa laga jaise pahadon ke piche se suraj... mein ye soch kar hans pada ki us mahol mein akansha kya soch rahi hogi jo soch kar vo hansi.. aur akansha ne bhi fauran us hansi ko pakad lia.

" hans kyun rahe ho ? "

" nahi kuch nahi.. "

" nah.. kuch to baat hai.. tum hamesha baat ko aise tal dete ho.. tell me.. "

" ye photo.. " mene bas itna hi kaha.

" i know.. ye photo.. random click tha.. tum bhi jaan kar yahan ruk kar mera mazak bana rahe ho na.. "

" nahi .. this is the best... ye jo photo hai .. ye natural hai.. iska glow... " mein bahut kuch kehna chahta tha lekin ruk gaya... aur photo scroll karne laga, akansha kuch der chup rahi aur phir apni baat batane lagi.

Mujhe itna malum hai ki ek ladki apni tarif se ladke ke intension samajh jati hai aur is kahani mein jab mujhe khud apne intension nahi malum the to mein kaise akansha ko mere intension judge karne deta.. jabki i know ki vo kabhi bhi engaged ho sakti hai ?

Mein nahi janta tha hamara sath kitna hai aur na hi kab tak is rishte mein yun hi bina umeed ke mein khush rahunga par jab bhi tha mein khush rehta tha.. uski maujudgi hi kafi thi.. sab kuch normal chal raha tha, mere intension, meri feeling ko mein daba kar rakh chuka tha, par uske rishte sirf mujhse hi nahi jude the aur uski wajah se is normal kahani ki likhai badal gayi...

Mere hath uske hath ki taraf bade aur dhire dhire hi sahi mene unhe pakad liya, dil ye sab karte hue behad tez dhadak raha tha, mere hathon ka sparsh pakar jab uska response nahi aya to mene himmat karke uski taraf dekha, vo ankhein band kar chuki thi, jinme se shayad uske bhare ansu bahar aa nikle the, mein uske itne kareeb tha ki uske ansu ki chamak roshni mein nazar aa rahi thi, mein uske chehre ke najdeek gaya aur uske ansu ko chehre se saaf kar dia, meri bhari sansein uske chehre par padh rahi thi is baat ka abhas mujhe tha, kyun ki jis hath ko mene pakad rakha tha un hathon ko usne sofe par kas liya tha.

" akansha.. " mera itna kehne par usne apni ankhein kholi aur apna chehra meri taraf mod lia, chehre itne kareeb the ki uski sansein mere chehre par thi, aur khamoshi itni ki uski sanson ki ghabrahat, dil ki bechaini mere kano mein gunj rahi thi. Ye ek aisa moment tha jisme vichar, soch jab ghul jate hain kuch samajh ata to vo tadap jo us moment mein do dilo ke andar bhar chuki hoti hai aur nikalne ke waqt dunia ko bhul jati hai.. rishton ko bhul jati hai..

Mere aur uske honth ek dusre se ja jude jiske baad akansha ne mere hathon ko majbuti se pakad lia.
 
Update - 93

36 Hours Before !!

" aunty uncle kab se bahar hai ? "

" 5 saal ho gaye ab to.. "

" atte-jatte nahi ? "

" atte hain.. par kabhi kabhi "

" aap bhi wahi shift ho jaoge ab ? " ye sawal karne ke liye mene pure 2 min lagaye sochne mein ki kaise puchun

" maybe.. " usne apni ankhein gol gol karte hue kaha aur lunch karne lagi aur mein bhi phir achanak se vo boli.

" tumhari baat hui ghar mein ? " yaad tha use.. mein hi bhul gaya tha ki mene use sab bata dia hai ki mein ghar se kaise vapis aya.

" nahi.. " mene nazre niche kar li aur lunch karne laga. Mera mood badal gaya.

" why ? "

" aise hi... "

" ankit ? "

" ankit.. " usne dusri baar mera naam liya tab mene nazar uppar uthai kyun ki mein janta tha vo kya bolegi.

" tum itne mature ho.. phir aise kaun karta hai ? vo bhi apne hi parents ke sath ? and baat karo vo to shayad bhul bhi gayi hongi and expect kar rahi hongi tumse baat karne ke liye they always misses you trust me.. and you know na ki jab koi nahi hoga they are for you.. "

" aisa nahi hoga... mere liye mein hi kaffi hun.. " mera jawab sun akansha ek pal ke liye hairan hui.. shayad bahut.. kyun ki use mujhse aisa expect shayad nahi tha.

" Ok " iske baad vo kuch nahi boli. Mein janta tha jo mene kaha vo bilkul sahi nahi tha bilkul... Uske baad akansha ne meri taraf dekha nahi aur phone par busy hokar bas lunch karti rahi jaise mein uske liye kuch tha hi nahi.. usne meri taraf tab tak nahi dekha jab tak usne meri awaz nahi sun li.

" han maa... kya kar rahi ho ? " uske baad meri maa se kuch der tak baat hui aur jab baat khatam hui to akansha ne muskurate hue meri taraf dekha. Kaisa asar tha uske is rukhe pan ka jo bardasht hi nahi hua...Par jo bhi hua dil bada halka hua.. ek ajeeb sa bhoj jo tha kuch din se jo samajh nahi aa raha tha kyun hai vo is waqt nikal gaya.

" thank you "

" for what ? "

" bas aise hi.. galti meri thi aur mene hi baat nahi ki ghar par.. "

" i know... " raat ko batein karte hue kab time kat jata tha pata nahi chalta tha. Sone se pehle mein akansha ke bare mein hi soch raha tha.. soch kya raha tha balki use picture kar raha tha uske ho sakne wale fiance ke sath aur sath mein ye bhi soch raha tha ki mujhe kaisa feel hoga.. sach kahun.. ek baar to man kiya ki zindagi mein dard to mile par ye dard nahi jise nind mein bhi dil roye.. phir agle pal jab vo chiz mehsus hokar bardasht nahi hui to sochna hi chhod dia aur ye sochne laga jis raste ko chun nahi sakte use life ki paheli mein banana hi kyun.. Sona behtar option tha vo bhi bina kuch soche.. kyun ki hum us bare mein jitna sochte hain jo hamare liye hai par hume nahi milegi utni takleef hoti hai.. Insan hai yar .. janwar nahi jo mehsus karke bol nahi sakte.. roo nahi sakte...

12 Hours Before !!

Mene message kiya tha par reply nahi mila tha aaj, aisa pehli baar nahi tha kafi baar hua tha, lekin lunch par hum milte the, mein roz ki tarah vahin baitha tha. Par aisa nahi hua tha ki itni der baithe rehna pade, message mene kuch bheje par response nahi aya tha, nazar bar bar darwaje par thi.. lunch mein bahut hi jada tukdon mein aur dhire dhire kar raha tha ye soch kar ki vo aa jayegi par aisa hua nahi.. ek pal call karne ki sochi par nahi kia aur jo lunch 10-15 min mein khatam ho sakta tha usme mene 1 ghanta laga dia vo bhi pura nahi kia aur beman se khaya jo khaya.

Zarur office mein hi busy ho gayi hogi, ye soch kar mein office vapis aya aur phir uske office walle floor ki taraf chal dia. Ab office mein jakar kaise puchun ? meri nervousness hamesha mere sath jo rehti hai.. wahin khada raha andar nahi gaya mein... idhar udhar ghumta raha gate ke bahar jhankta raha... matlab mein janta tha ki andar jakar puchta to 2 minute lagti lekin 20 min se chakar laga kar apna khun ka pressure bada raha tha..

Yakeen mano mera mene kayi baar kosish ki andar jakar kisi se puchun par nahi puch paa raha tha
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uppar se rahul ko phone karta to uske sawlon se mera sar fatta aur uski gand... isliye us chutie ko phone nahi kia

40 minute nikal gaye, office se sar ke 2 phone aaye jis bich mein office jakar do chote mote kaam nipta aya, phone bhi check kiya mene apna par message ka reply nahi aya tha, call karne ki sochi par bas office meeting ka soch kar nahi kia, par aisi kaun si meeting thi ye ? pehla sawal.... aur mein itna bechain kyun ? dusra sawal... jawab khojta use pehle vo hua jo mein kab se soch raha tha ki bc is office mein koi bahar nahi ata kya ? tabhi ek admi bahar aya jo pata nahi office ka koi kaam karne wala hi lag raha tha.. cleaning types wala..

" excuse me bhaiya " meri awaz sun kar vo ruk gaya. " akansha madam ko jante ho tum ? "

" han. " vo aram se bola

" meeting mein hai ? "

" nahi sir, vo to ayi hi nahi aaj.. "

" oh.. " mere muh se ek bar yahi nikla aur phir ek pal ke liye blank. " thank you "

Office ke 6 bajane mushkil ho gaye aaj.. ajeeb sa mood off ho gaya.. bina kisi reason ke.. ye kaun sa reason hua ki usne mujhse koi baat nahi ki, lunch sath nahi kia to mood is tarah kharab ? Kisi tarah thoda bahut kaam kia aur sham ko nikal gaya. Raste bhar rahul kuch na kuch bolta raha lekin mene koi interest nahi dikhaya, ghar pahunch kar mein thoda laita... par sala is laitne mein kahin se bhi aram nahi tha... dimag kharab ho raha tha..

1 Hour Before !!

Mein akansha ke flat ke samne khada tha, i dont know kyun .. kaise... office ke andar nahi ghus paya tha yahan bhi yahi haal hai.. darwaja hi nahi khatkhataya jaa raha tha.. kyun ? aree samjho mein use kya bolta ki mein use milne kyun aya hun .... kya kaam hai mujhe ? usko to yah lagega ki mein uske sath flirt kar raha hun aur involve hone ki kosish kar rhaa hun ye jante hue bhi ki vo kisi aur ke sath ? confusion ne mere dimag ki nasbandi kar di thi. Akele nahi hui to ? kisi aur ke sath hui ? tab.. us time kya karunga.. koi bekar sa excuse... shit.. aya hi kyun mein yahan... Dil itni zor se dhadak raha tha ki next pal itna sab sochne ke baad bhi mene bell baja di.. aur phir to sansein tez ho gayi.. bc mera bp kisi din mere dil ki nasein fad dega.. ye mohabat sach mein kisi din marwyaegi... abe kya bola mein?

Iske aage kuch hota use pehle darwaja khulne ki awaz ayi.. aur akansha ne apna chehra bahar nikal kar meri taraf dekha, mene usi ek pal mein soch liya tha ki mein kaise react karunga..

" hi akansha.. " mein khule hue smily ke sath bola.. jaise mein kitna khush hun bina ye dekhe ki vo kaisi hai...

" i am sorry ankit... i can't talk to you.. please go.. " itna bol kar door band.. aur uske baad mera muh.. bc bc pehli baar kisi ke sath is tarah se mene confornt kiya tha aur usi mein chud gaya.. bc isliye kehte hai jab muth marni na aye to lund ko kisi bhi angle mein nahi modna chahie.. varna tumhari nasle tedi paida hone lagegi.... Mujhe bada gussa aya... khud par.. aur mera mood jo kharab tha uske attitude bhar aya .... man mein to bahut galiyan dene ka man tha khud ko... par bina kuch bole mein jane ke liye mud gaya.
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Mein samajh gaya tha ki iske piche reason kya hai aur khud ko bhi gali de raha tha ki mein aya kyun? ek hi din ki to baat thi... lekin phir bhi mein aya aur uska result ye nikla... bohat jada gussa aya... par kar kya sakta tha .. ye meri kharidi hui icha jo nahi thi... Mein vapis jane ke liye mud kar do kadam aage bada tha ki piche se mujhe rok lia. Kaun rokega... akansha hi ... Mein jab muda to vahi thi.

Vo kuch bol nahi rahi thi par usne mujhe pakde rakha tha. Vo ek tuk mujhe dekh rahi thi aur mein uske chehre jispar kuch ansu shayad abhi bhi reh gaye the aur vo behad pareshan dikh rahi thi, mein samajh gaya tha ki shayad phir kuch baat hui hai par har ki tarah mene tab bhi use nahi pucha.

" its ok akansha.. i am sorry mene tumhe disturb kar dia .. " vo mera hath chhod chuki thi. " i think mujhe chalna chahie.. " mene ek dafa use aur dekha, man to kar raha tha use gale laga kar uske sare dukh ko sokh lu apne sine mein lekin ye sirf kehne ki batein thi.. Bada hi asmanjas sa mahol tha, isliye mene jana behtar samjha kyun ki mujhe nahi pata tha akhir yahan karna kya hai.. Mein bas bye kehkar thoda hi piche hataunga ki uske lafzon se behad dhimi par is khamoshi mein bhi itni clear sunai di ki mere pair ruk gaye.

" co...m.e..e pl.e..as.e.. " uski awaz aisi thi jaise dard uske dil se nikal kar lafzon mein aa gaye ho.

' kya hua hai akansha ? tum is tarah pareshan ho.. batao.. mein sach mein tumhe aise nahi dekh paa raha hun.. please batao kya hua hai.. shayad mein tumhare is dard ko itna kam kar dun ki us dil ko pata bhi na chale ki dard hota kya hai ? bas ek baat batao to.. ek baar.. mujhe samjhao dekho kaise mein phir tumhe use itna alag kar dunga ki khojne par bhi sirf ek hi chiz milegi.. sukun.... ' ye sab batein mein bolna chahta tha.. kehna chahta tha lekin kya nikla... muh se.. kuch nahi sirf ankhein samne chal rahe tv par thi jispar koi cartoon film chal rahi thi aur mein bas sofe par baitha tha.. bagal mein baithi thi akansha vo bhi bas tv ki taraf hi dekh rahi thi.. Is this really so difficult ? kuch kehna.. par mein aisa to nahi tha.. mein bol sakta hun.. sidhe.. ki kyun ro ri hai ? chal aja.. kuch excited krte hain .. maza hi alag milega... nahi? shitt.. kya soch raha hun ye mein.. Mene ek taraf akansha ki taraf halki si nazar dali, uski dress bahut hi jada revealing thi.. uska top.. man mein ek ajeeb sa khayal aya... hat bc chutie... pata nahi kaise ajeeb ajeeb si batein aa rahi thi par jo bolna tha vahi nahi bol paa raha tha, shayad vo mujhse kuch expect kar rahi thi.. par mein hi tha jo uski expectation ko khatam kar chuka tha. Achanak se akansha ke hasne ki awaz ayi... mene usi pal uske chehre ki taraf dekha to vo vakai hans rahi thi par kyun ? phir uski nazar ki taraf dekha to uski nazar tv par hi zami hui thi, phir jab mene bhi tv ki taraf dekha to vo cartoon film ke scene par hans rahi thi..

Emotions.. Badi hi kutti chiz hai.. kai bar bikh dene ke liye 10 rs ka emotion nahi hota hamare pas aur kai baar itne emotions ikhate ho jate hain ki unhe hum sambhal nahi patte.. shayad kuch aisa hi akansha mehsus kar rahi thi aur mein abhi tak shant tha, meri nazar tv par thi par dhayan kahin aur .. phir agle pal vo hansti hui awaz rone mein badal gayi..

Vo is bar zor zor se ro rahi thi, chehre ko band muthi mein daba kar phir ek dum se usne rona band kar dia aur nak sikodti hui apne hathon se chehra saaf kia aur phir shant hokar baith gayi.

" akansha.. "

" uhmm.. " uska galla itna jada bhara tha ki ek pal mujhe aisa laga ki ye uski awaz nahi balki koi thokar hai jo shayad andar se use mil rahi ho.

" what happened ? "

" nothing.g. " vo mushkil se boli par boli, uska chehra ansu ... ankhon ke niche kajal aur un emotions ki wajah se bilkul lal ho gaya tha. Dil ab teharne ko mana kar chuka tha, usne meri soch band kar di .. Mein akansha ke thoda najdeek ja baitha... jada pas nahi par dur bhi nahi...

Mene apna hath uthaya uske hath ko uske chehre se alag karne ke liye taki mein uska chehra apne samne la paun.. par vo bich mein ek pal ke liye ruka.. mera hath.. lekin dil ke aage insan itna kamjor ho jata hai ki khud ka hath bhi gairana ho jata hai..

Mene bas uspar hath hi rakha tha vo ek dum se hadbada kar baith si gayi aur usne apna chehra samne kar liya aur mein bhi thodi dur hokar apna hath khinch lia. Mujhe laga shayad mene kuch galat kar dia, touch nahi karna chahie tha bas yun hi puch lena tha. Akansha bahut normal hokar baith gayi.. mujhe kabhi itne complex nature, emotions ko mehsus karne ka muka nahi dia tha zindagi ne, ya phir diya tha lekin mere pas hi emtions nahi the jaise is waqt the.. iske liye..

" tumne kaha tha ki hume kisi se umeed nahi karni chahie ... par kya bina umeed ke hum pyar ke rishte ko rishta bana sakte hai ? kya us rishte mein hume pyar ki umeed bhi nahi rakhni chahie ? " mere pas har baat ka jawab hota hi tha lekin is sawal ne jaise mujhe mere hi sawal mein pakad liya tha aur ise bahar nikalne ke liye mere pas kuch nahi tha...
 
Update - 94

Tumhare jawab sawal ban jaye to kaisa lagea tumhe ? kya tumhare pas uska jawab hoga ? agar ha to do nahi to kya doge ? Mene kahani ki tarah jawab to die par abi usi jawab ke aage sawal aye to mein chup tha.. kya ye meri galti thi ki mene usko aise jawab die ? shayad nahi.. ye galti na mere jawab ki thi na hi akansha ke sawal ki... ye galti hum insan ki hai.. jo na hi kahani samajh pate hain na hi zindagi ke us rishte ko jise nibhane ke liye hum shuruwat mein puri kosish karte hain aur baad mein ate-ate uspar apni pakad dhili kar dete hain... vaise bhi ye koi patang nahi jahan dhil dene par bhi jeet mil jaye.. ye zindagi ka vo part hain jahan dheel dete hi sab kuch khatam ho jata hai.. mene yahan yahi galti nahi ki... mene na to zindagi ko dheel samjha nahi hi dil mein panap rahe is rishte ko...

" kya pyar mein pyar ki bhi umeed nahi karni chahie ankit ? " akansha sawal karke chup rhi, uski ankh se abhi abhi ansu utra tha aur vo mere jawab ka intezar kar rahi thi.

" jis pyar mein pyar ki bhi umeed karni pade vo pyar hota hi nahi akansha " mene akhir apna jawab de hi dia.

" to phir i love you bol kar kya dikhate hain hum ? " aaj usne kasam kha rakhi thi mujhe fasane ki...

" keh nahi sakta.. par vo hum tabh kehte hain jab kisi se dur na hona chahte ho " mene aaj tak kisi se ye baat kahi nahi thi kyun ki meri life mein aj tak koi aisa aya nahi tha.. aaj se pehle...

" sab juth.. tum bhi juth bol rahe ho.. " mein ? par kaise.. puch nahi paya bas chup raha. " pyar kya sirf kehne ke liye hota hai ? ab jab mein us pyar ka waqt mang rahi hun.. use aage badana chahti hun to kyun vo piche hat raha hai ? "

" mein kuch samjha nahi akansha.. dekho tum mujhse sawal karogi to mein shayad uska jawab to de dunga par tumhari is takleef ko dur nahi kar paunga.. " mein use janna chahta tha ki akhir hua kya hai .... vo shayad meri baat ka matlab samajh gayi thi.. usne apni ansu poche aur ek gehri sans lekar usne mujhe bataya ki, Akash jiske sath akansha ka relation tha, jiski vo fiance banne wali thi vo pyar to karta hai par is rishte ko aage badane ki jab bhi baat ati vo use talta jata, ab akansha ki bato mein ye samajh nahi aya ki vo kaam ki vajah se tha ya phir koi aur par akansha ko ye chiz bardasht nahi ho rahi thi, vaise bhi mein kafi time se sun raha tha ki uski kabhi bhi engagement ho sakti hai lekin kabhi uske muh se aisa nahi suna tha, isliye lagta hi nahi tha ki vo kisi relation mein hai na hi kabhi akash ke sath uski itni baat hote dekha tha. Samajh to mere itna aa raha tha ki akansha use behad pyar karti hai par akash ka response bahut low tha, jaise use fikar na ho.. isliye akansha pareshan rehti thi .. aur is waqt bhi isliye jada thi kyun ki akash ki hui baat cheet mein uska jhagda isi baat par hua tha.. short mein kahun to ye wahi love story thi jo aksar hoti hai....par isme farak itna tha ki samne wale ko pyar to hai bas uske pas samay nahi kyun ki vo apni zindagi ke bare mein pehle soch raha tha aur akansha ke bare mein baad mein.. kya akash apni jagah sahi tha ? agar ha to kya akansha galat thi ? aur agar akash sahi nahi tha to akansha ka kehna galat nahi ? ya phir dono apni jagah sahi the ya dono galat... ? shayad nahi... shayad ye pyar hi galat tha... kyun ki jahan tak pyar ki baat hai.. chinta hume apni nahi hamesha uski hoti hai jisne hamari zindagi ko ek naya mod dia.. khud ki chinta to hum bachpan se karte aye hain.. to agar abhi bhi khud hi karenge to vo badlav ka faiyda kya ? ye to samne wale ke waqt aur uski chinta ki tauheen hai ... jo hum sirf apne matlab ke liye istemal kar rahe hain.. jab jab mauka mila humne use apnaya aur apni zindagi durust ki aur phir aage badh gaye use bhul kar... yani baat to wahi hui.. na mera jawab galat tha na hi akansha ka sawal... galat to insan hai..

" kya tumhe mauka nahi dena chahie kuch aur ... " mein dhire dhire bolte hue chup hua... " thoda aur... " ye baat bolne ka man to nahi tha par kehna pada.

" mazak hi karna hai mere sath to mein road par khadi ho jati hun... let everyone have a mauka.... " mein sunn.. uski sansein tez thi.. ankh se phir ansu aa nikle.. uski nazar itni paini thi mere uppar ki meri nazre hi niche jhuk gayi.. baat ke andar aisa tamacha mara usne ki mere andar ki sari samjhdari ghus gayi.

" mein sundar hun.. par kya farak padta hai.. shayad mera pyar sundar nahi hai" itna keh kar vo phir rone lagi... yakeen karna shayad meri baat ka har kisi ko mushkil hoga lekin mujhe aisa lag raha tha jaise vo mujhse shikayat kar rahi hai.. Uska rona mere kano mein chub raha tha, kya usne mujhe isliye apne sath rehne ke liya kaha tha ki vo mujhe apna dard suna sake ? nahi.. balki vo is dard se alag hona chahti thi isliye usne mujhe apne pas rukne ko kaha tha.. lekin mein kaun hun ? ek ajnabi.. ya had se jada ek naya dost.. aaj ke waqt mein insan kya hai kuch samajh nhi ata, ajnabi...dost... pyar.... kuch nahi samajh ata.. kyun ki hum jo dil se hain vo juban par bilkul nahi hai... phir bhi mujhe to kuch karna hi tha..

Mein shayad uska dard khatam to nahi kar sakta tha jabki karna to bahut chahta tha kyun ki mere dil mein ye pyar hi tha jo ki ab mein 'shayad' keh kar apne dil ko bevkuf nahi banana chahta tha... mene apna hath uthaya aur akansha ke hath par rakh dia jo vahin sofe par rakha tha .. jaise hi mera hath uske hath par gaya usne rona to band nah kia.. mera dil bahut zor se dhadak raha tha jbki ye uske sath hona chahie tha.. vo abhi shant nahi hui thi.. to mene is bar uske hath ko apne hath mein tham lia, use halka sa kas lia.. mujhe umeed thi ki vo bura manegi mujhe bahar bhej degi... kyun ki itna hak mere pas nahi tha ... hai na ?

Par mein yahan galat tha... usne bura nahi mana balki apne hath ko mere hath se kas lia, aur usi pal mene uski taraf dekha, vo chup ho gayi thi par abhi bhi ansu nikal rahe the.. par mein kuch nahi bola, aisa hi baitha raha.. kabhi kabhi hamare actions shabdon se jada dil ko rahat dete hain... Kuch der akansha aise hi baithi rahi phir dhire dhire vo sarakte hue mere kareeb ayi aur mere kandhe par sar rakh kar baith gayi... hathon ki ungiya apas mein mil chuki thi, jaise ye mera hi pyar tha jo mere liye hi bana tha... Jab insan itna jada kareeb ho jata hai to kuch chizein bhul jata hai aur is waqt mein.. ya yun kahun hum.. zindagi ke sabhi rishte bhulte jaa rahe the .... yahi vo pal tha jo naye rishte ka janam data ban gaya ..
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Kya khona, kya pana waqt se pehle na to keh sakte hai aur na hi waqt ane par use bhul sakte hain, jo bhi hota hai uske piche ane wali zindagi ki tasveer ban jati hai bas farak itna hota hai ki us tasveer ko dekhne ke liye hamare pas ankhein nahi hoti. Samajh nahi aa raha tha kya karu, kya kahun.. kya isi tarah akansha ke sath baitha rahun yun hi is rishte ko aage bada dun ? Agar zindagi mein koi mujhse puchega ki zindagi ki sachai uski takleef kya hai.. to mein uska purra dosh pyar ko dunga.

Mera hath usi tarah usi majbuti se uske hathon ke sath juda hua tha, time kitna guzra par akansha jaise abhi bhi waisi hi thi.. hamare liye kisi ke pyar ki takleef ek filmi kahani lagti hai aur usi mein hum sahabunti bhare dialog chap kar apni samjhdari dikha dete hain par asliyat mein uski takleef vahi samajh pata hai, hona bhi chahie, ek insan apna bhrosa, apna waqt sab deta hai aur badle mein shayad mangta bhi wahi hai ... mein akansha ki shayad hi madad kar sakta hun kyun ki mein to us dard se guzra nahi jo use samjha sake lekin phir bhi uske dard ko ache se samajh raha tha.

" akansha.. " usne suna par kuch kaha nahi, " pyar karne par takleef hoti hai ye to suna hai par dekh pehli baar raha hun.. " mein bahut soch soch kar bol raha tha jisme kai bar bich mein rukna padh raha tha mujhe, kano mein cartoon ke shor ki awaz, uske sath akansha ki .. jisme uski sansein.. uska dhadkta dil aur khamoshi..

" please... roo mat... sab theek hoga.. " mene kaha tha na hum sirf sahanbuti de pate hain wahi mene bhi kia. Vo kuch bol nahi rahi thi aur mere dimag mein khud se kabhi kuch ata nahi .. bina uske jawab ke kya bolu ? ye samajhta raha par kuch der baad vo boli, jisne meri uljhane bada di.

" keh do mein bevkuf hun jo ro rahi hun, vo bhi kisliye ? bahut mil jayenge jo mere sharir se pyar kar lenge.. " na jane kyun emotions mein hum khud ko ek bikau chiz bana dete hain jise ab har koi kharid sakta hai.. kya aaj ke waqt mein insan itna bikau ho gaya hai ?

" mere kehne ka vo matlab nahi tha akansha... mein... " ise aage ka mauka usne chin liya, usne apna sar utha kar mere chehre ke samne apna chehra kar dia.

" sab yahi kehte hain ankit... chehra dekho mera.. khubsurat hai na.. kisi ka bhi dil behla sakti hai... hai na ? to kyun mein us insan ko lekar roo rahi hun jab mujhe hazaron mil sakte hain ? " kehte hue uski ankh se ansu aa nikla, " pyar ko bechna hi hai to use kharid kar kyun nahi kar lete.. kitna asan hai na ? " is bar uski ankh se ansu nikle to mein dekh nahi paya aur mene uske chehre ko hath mein tham kar unhe ankh ke niche ate hi hata dia. Ye kya ajeeb waqt hai, kitna acha tha aaj se pehle par abhi ye sab kyun badal gaya, mujhe na akansha ke relation se matlab na tha aur na hi apni khushi se... matlab tha ki kisi tarah iska dukh hat jaye, mein sirf aise hi nahi keh raha yakeen karo mera, chehra akansha ka ... kehlwa raha tha mujhse...pyar ho gaya tha mujhe aur ab mujhe afsos ho raha tha ki kyun hua? Kuch rishte aise ban jate hain jiske khali panne bhi hume bharne padte hain aur mitane bhi hume hi padte hain... na to mein cha kar use apna paa raha tha na hi chhod paa raha tha.... kash chhod deta.. kash... akansha ko is waqt chhod deta agar pyar na hua hota to.. par is pyar ki majburi ne aise fansa dia ki na to ab alag ho sakta tha aur na hi is rishte mein aage badh sakta tha... ab mein kya bataun apna haal... samajh nahi paa raha tha ki is naam ko alag kaise karun khud se... na to juban se kuch nikal raha tha na hi dil se ise nikaal paa raha tha... bura fans gaya tha..

" bharosa rakho.. khud par ... jo tumhara hai use koi chin nahi sakta tumse " mene uski dono ankhein saaf karte hue kaha.

" aur jo kabhi ho hi na use kaise paun ? "

" tab ... bhul jao use "

" kya tum bhul jate agar tumhe is tarah mujhse pyar hua hota to ? " rulayegi kya pagli... kya bol dia isne... pakka ro dunga agar muh se kuch bhi nikal gaya to, aur bezati hogi alag... mene bas naa mein mana kiya vo bhi kisi tarah khud par kabu rakhte hue, varna ankhon se nikalte jarur, ansu ya phir us pal ki soch ka dukh...

" dekhaa.... tum to bina kare nahi soch sakte aur mujhse keh rahe ho ? " baat uski itni theek thi ki man kia abhi keh dun ki tum shayad nahi jaan paogi ki mein pyar kar chuka hun isliye mana kar raha hun...

" pyar doobara bhi hota hai akansha.. " mere muh se nikal gaya, shayad uski baton ne majbur kia tha.

" bajaru ban chuka hai pyar.. kharid lo... bech lo.. isliye to har bar ho jata hai " ye baat mujhe uski bahut galat lagi , aisa mehsus hua jaise mujhe hi boli gayi ho.

" guzara karte hain vo log zindagi ko, jo tumhare jaise pyar ko samjhte nahi ... par iska maltab ye nahi ki tum apni sachai chhod do.. " mein use samjha raha tha ya use rula raha tha kyun ki vo meri baat sun kar roo padi, mene use apna hath alag kiya aur uske chehre ko dono hath se tham lia, " pyar mein nafrat karna bahut asan hota hai akansha par use karke nibhana sabse jada mushkil.. aaj agar tumne pyar se nafrat kar li to tum zindagi bhar dosh pyar ko jabki isme uski koi galti nahi.. " usne apni nazre jhuka rakhi thi, mene apna chehra jhukaya aur uske kareeb le aya, " pyar bikau nahi hai akansha... vo bas mushkil hai... bas use pakde rakho... har nahi manni... nahi manni na ? " meri nazar uspar thi, vo mere sawal par han mein sar hilane lagi, banane vale ne aurton ko dimag kyun nahi dia iska jeeta jagta jawab mere samne the... kaise deta dimag ? kyun ki vo sirf umar se badi hoti hai asal mein to bachpana unka sath kabhi chhodta hi nahi.. ye mein isliye nahi keh raha kyun ki mujhe uppar wale ne bataya balki isliye keh raha hun kyun ki vo masumiyat is waqt akansha ke chehre par thi aur yahi vo ghadi thi jisme har ladka ek ladki se aise pyar kar baithta hai jo vo dilo dimag se nahi nikal pata aur mujhe bilkul wahi pyar ho chuka tha....
 
Update - 95

Kabhi kabhi hum confuse ho jate hain ki jo chiz hamari nahi hai kya vo hamari hi hai ya phir sahi mein nahi hai, nahi nahi galat samjha raha hun... kehne ka matlab ki kya us chiz par hamara hak hai tabhi hamari kismat ne hume ye pal dia ya phir ye pehle se tay tha..nahi shayad ye bhi sahi nahi hai... sahi shayad ye hai ki pal mera ho ya uska magar sath hum dono hai yani ? man mein ajeeb vichar aa rahe the, jo aaj se pehle kabhi nahi aye, love story padne ka anjan yahi hota hai

" shayad mujhse pyar hi dhang se nahi hua... " akansha ne mere hathon par apne hath rakh die aur nazre jhuka kar phir se subakne lagi.

" hum kisi se kitna bhi pyar kar le vo kam hi hota hai, kyun ki.. " na jane kyun man mein pehle ritika ki parchai ayi aur phir ankita mam ki.. aaj bahut waqt baad.. iski umid nahi thi mujhe " kyun ki.... kyun ki... " ek pal ke liye mere pas bhi bolne ke liye kuch nahi tha isliye bar bar wahi bol raha tha, " kyun ki, dil kya kare vo to anjan hai uske pas kam jada ka taraju jo nahi hota... " akhir man ki baat keh hi di mene.

" kya tumne kabhi kisi se pyar kia hai ? " akansha ki ankhein lal thi, ansu se bhari vo meri ankhon mein dekh kar jawab mang rahi thi. Ab use kaise kehta ki pyar kia nahi balki ho gaya hai vo bhi is pal se... Mene na mein sar hila dia.

" phir tum itna kaise keh sakte ho ? " ab ye sawal fansne wala tha, mujhe umid nahi thi ki vo kuch aisa mujhse puchegi..

" mehsus kar sakta hun... khud ko .. tumhare dard se.. shayad isliye... " mein aisa keh dunga vo bhi itne khule akshar mein khud par vishwas nahi hua meri baat sunte hi vo mere sidhe mere gali aa lagi aur is bar zor zor se rone lagi, is tarah ke emotion jab ek baar out of control hote hain to unhe rokna bhi nahi chahie, beh jane mein hi achai hoti hai, jitna vo dard niklega utna sukun milta jayega, isliye mein bas uski pith halke halke sehla raha tha, mana nahi kar raha tha... reh reh kar dard ko mehsus karne se acha hota hai ki insan ko mar jana chahie.. varna vo apne sath apno ko zindagi bhar takleef deta hai.. ye mene suna tha... par vo baat is par lagu hogi ye kabhi nahi socha tha.

" why this hurt so much.. ? .. why... "

" i knw... i knw... " mein use bas dilasa de raha tha jise uska dard khatam ho jaye. Kuch der vo aise hi rahi phir vo mujhse alag hui, man to mera nahi tha lekin hona pada , vo mujhse alag hui aur apni ankh saaf karne lagi. Itni cute kyun lagti hai ladkiya kabhi kabhi.. man karta hai apna sab kuch de dun unhe...

" are you ok ? " mene uske baal chehre ke piche kar die taki uska chehra aur saaf dekh paun. Usne bas han mein sar hilaya, uski naak itne emotions ki wajah se lal ho chuki thi.

" did i not deserve a better love ? " uski ankhein phir bhar gayi aur usne chehra niche kar lia

" no... u are... tum pyar deserve hi nahi balki uske liye hi bani ho akansha.. " mera aur uska chehra itna kareeb tha ki dono ki sansein ek dusre par padh rahi thi. Pta nahi kyun par sala control hi nahi hua.. bolne ke baad jab usne chehra uppar uthaya to bilkul mere chehre ke kareeb aa gaya... mere emotions ne aisi kartoot dikhai ki mere lawde laga gayi...

Pata nahi kaise par mere honth uske honton ke sath jud gaye, shit.. honth rakhte hi man mein ek awaz ayi... par phir vo jaise kho gayi, itne mulayam honth... kya vakai itne mulayam hote hain ? mein pehli bar kisi ke honth nahi chum raha tha par is baar aisi kya baat thi inme ? i dont know.. par ise behtar to mene aaj tak mehsus nahi kia tha, ye pehli baar tha jab mujhe vo honth itne mulayam lag rahe the ki man se nikal rahi sahi awaz bhul kar mein unhe chumne laga, jabki mein janta tha ye bahut galat hai.. had se jada... mein is waqt us ladki ke emotions ke sath khilwad kar raha tha, faiyda utha raha tha... par kya karta control hi nahi hua ? Abhi do hi pal beete the ki mere honthon ko response milne laga phir to jaise mein kho hi gaya... Akansha bhi mere honton ko usi tarah se chum rahi thi jaise ki mein.... Vishwas nahi ho raha tha.. aur na hi samajh aa raha tha ki mujhe itna acha feel kyun ho raha hai... kya yahi vo kiss thi jo lust ki nahi balki love kiss thi ?

Waqt chahe saal nikal gaye ho mujhe nahi pata, pata tab chala jab usne kiss karna band kar dia aur vo piche hat gayi aur bas jaise hi vo hati.. meri phati..
Sare ache pal mere nark ki talti kadai mein badal gaye... fuck... fuck.. fuck.. fuck..fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.... man mein itni bar bola ki counting hi bhul gaya ki kitni bar bola, meri ankhein jhuki thi aur uthne ka naam nahi le rahi thi yani ek pahad jitna bhoj mere uppar aa gira. Ghar wale hamesha kehte the ki bura kaam karte samay nahi pata chalta jab pakde jao tab samajh ata hai ki tumne kya kia hai aur is waqt bilkul wahi lag raha tha....

Lag gaye lawde bc... ye kya kar dia... fuck bc... shit... bcccc... kya ho gaya ye mujhse... mein fauran apni position badli aur sar par hath rakh kar baith gaya, mene akansha ka reaction nahi dekha.. na hi himmat ho rahi thi, itna samajh gaya tha ki aaj sab khatam... phir bc dunia ki sabhi randiape wali baat tairne lagi, ek hi second mein dil ka pyar gand ke ched se fusssss ho gaya...

Kabhi kisi ki zindagi mein aisa mauka na aye.. kyun ki ye mauka bilkul waisa hota hai jaise kisi ne nasbandi kar di ho aur phir bhi muth mein apka pani nikal raha ho. ab to ho gaya tha scene meri bajne wali thi solid been..

Mene kisi tarah bina akansha ki taraf mude apni nazre uski taraf dali , vo bhi meri hi tarah baithi thi apna chehra samne kiye hue bilkul besudh hokar jaise koi hosh hi na ho, chehre par ansu the jinhe usne usi waqt apne hath se hataye, ye dekh mene fauran apni nazar chupa li.

Bas yahi socha ki isi pal bhag jaun yahan se... kyun ki mujhe gussa aa raha tha islye nahi ki ye kya kia mene ? balki isliye ki mene aaj pyar pane se pehle hi use kho dia tha.
______________________________

Par aise baitha nahi reh sakta tha, mujhse galti hui thi aur mujhe ise kabulna tha, chahe mafi mile ya na.. pada tha mene... galti maan kar mafi magne ke piche lalch nahi hona chahie ki samne se tumhe mafi milegi hi.. isliye ... aaj mene jo kho dia vo shayad vapis aye na aye par agar galti nahi mani aur bina kuch kahe nikal gaya to bahut badi galti kar baithunga... par bolu kaise ? ohh shit... aaj mein idhar aya hi kyun acha bhala chal raha tha sab kuch ....

" i m..m... sorry akanashaji.. mene apke sath.. " badi himmat ke baad itna bola, sahi mein halak se awaz nikal hi nahi rahi thi aisa lag raha tha jaise koi vapis use andar hi rehne ke liye dhaka de raha ho.. " apke sath.. " mere honth, hath pair kanp rahe the, lag hi nahi raha tha ki ye mein hun ? khud ki halat dekh kar mujhe mera
past aisa nahi lag raha tha jaisa nikla tha.. itni bechaini itna dar mene life mein kabhi mehsus nahi kiya tha.. shayad aaj se pehle kabhi mene dil se socha nahi tha isliye ye halat thi meri.. " apke sath.. jo kia... m sorry.. " bas itna bol kar bina uski taraf dekhe uthke jane vala tha. Sab khatam to ho chuka tha, jo akela pan akansha ki vajah se kafi had tak kam hua tha, pune ane ke baad uske dar ne phir jagah gher li thi.

" tum mujhse aap karke kyun baat karte ho ? " mein khada hota use pehle akansha ki baat sun kar mein uski taraf dekhne laga, vo bilkul samne dekh rahi thi, usne ek baar bhi palat kar meri taraf nahi dekha aur mein confuse hokar use nihar raha tha. Ya to mere dimag mein koi nayi fantasy ban rahi hai jo mein apne galat kaam ke dauran banata hun jisme mujhe kuch nahi hota aur mujhe maffi mil jati hai ya phir mein time travel karke baitha hun jisme mein aisa kar sakta hun ye dkeh liya hoga jabki mein is waqt apne ghar mein hi baitha hun ? Aur agar ye dono baat galat hai to mein present mein hun aur reality mein par agar aisa hai to akansha ne aisa kyun kaha vo bhi is tym par ? Null mein bhi 4 word hote hain mere pas to is waqt vo bhi nahi the.... Vo phir bina kuch kahe sofe par apna sar rakh kar vahin apne sharir ko fold kar so gayi. Meri nazar uske chehre par thi, kasam se itna pyara aur masum lag raha tha ki mujhe khud par ghin ane lagi ki mene uski majburi ka fayda utha lia, vo pehle se hi pareshan thi aur mein uske character ke sath khel gaya ? sala dil mein itna dard kabhi nahi hua.. shayad heart attack ke time bhi nahi hota hoga jitna mujhe abhi ho raha tha, kyun hota hai ye dard ? sala ye pyar sine se hi kyun hota hai

Mein na ja paa raha tha na hi aise baith paa raha tha, meri nazar akansha par thi aur vo thi ki meri taraf dekh nahi rahi thi, nafrat aisi hi hoti hai pada tha mene jab apse koi nafrat karta hai to apki taraf dekhna bhi pasand nahi karta, mujhe bhi yahi mehsus ho raha tha aur isi wajah se sina jada dard kar raha tha, koi kaam kar do is dard ko please ? mein apni ek mahine ki salary de dunga par ise dur kar do ? sine mein dard hua to rone ka man karne laga, mujhse khud ki galti to bardasht ho nahi rahi thi uppar se akansha ki nafrat ne to jaise mere sine ke dard ki danger level ki sima rekha paar kar di... mein utha nahi ... bas ek jhalak pane ki umeed mein baitha raha ki ek bar to sahi akansha dekhegi mujhe, par aisa nahi hua vo vaise hi laiti rahi aur phir uski ankhein band ho gayi.... jinpar itna atyachar hua tha aaj... vo so chuki thi, uski ankhein aur dil shayad dono shant ho jayenge thodi der ke liye ye soch kar mujhe chain mila, par jo mene kiya usko dimag se nahi nikal paa raha tha... kya meri galti ka ab koi replacement nahi tha ?

Aise kab tak baitha rehta, mein akansha ke liye andar se blanket laya aur use odha di, tv ka shor jo maujud tha use band karke khatam kar dia aur vahin sofe par baith gaya. Jane ka to irada khatam ho chuka tha, bas yun hi uske pass baith jane ka man ho chala tha, kyun ki shayad ye akhri baar tha jab mein uska chehra dekh raha tha, thodi der baad meri bhi ankh lag gayi, thak jo gaya tha khud se...

Subh ankh achanak khuli to khud ko wahi paya, kash sapna hota.. par aisa nahi tha.. akansha abhi bhi so rahi thi, 6 baj rahe the, uske uthne se pehle mujhe chale jana chahie tha, varna mujhe dekhte hi raat yaad aa jati aur na jane kya hota isliye mene soch liya tha ki jab use mujhse nafrat ho chuki hai to use akela chhod dena hi sahi faisla hai... wahi kaha tha na mene mafi magne par mile ye jaruri nahi.... Mein khada hua, ek paper par note likha...

' S-O-R-R-Y '

Office pahunch kar bhi mein apne zehan se nahi nikal paa raha tha ki mene akansha ko bilkul kho dia, bich bich mein tassali deta ki vaise bhi ek din to khona hi tha chalo pehle hi ? par is excuse se kya sahi mein dil ko tassali mil rhi thi.. nahi... insan sab ko bevkuf bana sakta hai par khud ko nahi... kyun ki khud se behtar insan kisi ko nahi jaan sakta, use apne bare mein sab pata hota hai ki vo kab galat hai aur kab nahi...

Is tarah nahi... aise nahi khona tha mujhe usse... socha to man mein tha lekin muh se nikal chuka tha, acha tha ki mein aaj office itni jaldi aya tha ki koi aya hi nahi tha.

" Ankit.. " shayad kisi ne do teen bar mera naam pukara jab mein hosh mein aya, sir khade the aur vo awaz laga rahe the.

" good morning sir "

" good morning, itni jaldi ? "

" han sir vo kaam tha to socha jaldi aakar kar dun.. "

" hmm, vaise tum delhi se hi ho na ? "

" han sir kyun ? "

" nahi.. aise hi.. vo actually mein vahan branch open hui hai to they need some well trained employees to settle down isliye.. you carry on your work "

" ok sir.. " vo gaya, mein vapis apni soch mein baith gaya, aur eka ek sochte hue sir ki baat rewind karti hui dimag mein ghumi aur mujhe ise behtarin idea nahi mil skta tha is dard se azadi ka.
 
Update - 96

Idea implement karne mein mehnat to lagi lekin akhirkar sir man gaye, do ghante mein confirmation mil jana tha, ki mei vapis delhi shift hone jaa raha tha, pune jagah chhodne ka man kisi ka na ho lekin mein yahan se bhag jana chahta tha, aisa laga jaise dil ka bhoj thoda kam ho gya. Kaam mein ek dum se man bhi lagne laga isliye kaam niptane baith gaya, kareeb 12:15 baje mein free hua aur free hote hi nazar phone par gyi, adat se majbur hum insani machine is machine se juda nahi ho sakte aur vo bhi aaj ke waqt mein... jahan insan kho jaye to itna dukh nahi hota jitna subh uthte waqt phone apni jagah par na milne par hota hai.. Gazab ki invention hai vaise smartphone.. baki kya kahun... sabko pta hai ki ye smartphone insan ko kitna smart banata jaa raha hai jo sadak par mare kutte ki photo khiinch kar upload to karta hai aur uspar hash tag karke dukh bhi jatata hai.. bas insaniyat vala feature on nahi hota ki kam se kam us mrit sharir ko uski sahi jagah rakh de... ye hai hamara smartphone jise use karne walle behad smart hai...

" Lunch at 2 " message dekh bc meri halat tight.. iske alawa akansha ka koi dusra message nahi tha, dikkat ye thi ki mene message read kar liya tha varna vo puchti ki aye kyun nahi to keh deta message nahi dekha.. par ab kya bahana maru ? kya vo lunch mein sabke samne meri bezaati karegi.. ya thapad maregi ? fuck.. fuck fuck fuck.. bc... ye fuck fuck jaban par chadd gaya hai.. madarchod.. han ise man ko tassali hui... apna desh jis tarah corruption aur chutiapanti mein aage hai usi tarah gali galoz mein koi desh apni maa nahi chuda sakta.. aas pass bhi nahi.. baat hi alag hai bc...

Mein kareeb 2:15 par phuncha, phuch to tym par jata lekin himmat hi nahi ho rahi thi akansha ki taraf dekhne ki.. Lekin kisi tarah uske samne baitha tha, par nazre ya to khidki ke bahar ki taraf hoti ya phir idhar udhar, lekin samne baithi akansha par nahi... Khana samne rakha tha, jise dhire dhire kha raha tha, dono ke bich koi baat cheet nahi ho rahi thi, mein confuse tha ki jab use mujhe marna nahi, kuch kehna nahi to bulaya kyun ? ek pal ye bhi aya ki khud bolun.. par awaz ki to muth nikal chuki thi... khadi hi nahi ho rahi thi bc..

Tabhi mujhe laga jaise usne koi harkat ki, mene apni nazar khidki se samne ki to dekha usne mere taraf ek note badaya tha... meri nazar us note par tha.. Uspar sorry likha tha... ek pal to samajh nahi aya aur jab aya to..

' ye to mera hi note hai ... isne mujhe vapis kar dia.. lagta hai ab gaya mein.. kuch bolun ? han bolun.. kam se kam maffi to lun.. karegi ? ' mein khud se hi sawal karta raha.

" meri taraf se bhi... " jab vo boli tab mere dimag ne sochna band kar dia. " galti tumhari nahi, hamari thi ankit... " meri nazar aise chaud mein uthi jaise bc mene desh ke liye aisa kaam kia jise desh ko kitna bada fayda hua ho.

Arsa.. sahi mein arsa ho gaya ho akansha ko dekhe bilkul aisa feel ho raha tha, vo behad shant thi.. uska chehra shant tha.. na gussa na hi kisi baat ki narazgi thi..

" tumne kaha tha ki pyar mein sochna padh jaye to use chhod dena chahie ? " uski nazre jhuki hui thi, par vo gehre vichar mein thi ye pakka tha. Mein use dekhta raha, bhul gaya ki usne mujhse kuch pucha hai.. pata nahi kyun jo man mein dar tha is ladki se ek bar phir vo dil pyar karne laga tha, ye kaisa ajeeb dil hai sala khel khelta hai.. ek pal mein pyar ko is kadar bhar dega ki insan dub jata hai aur ek hi pal mein itna sukha kar dega ki do bund ke liye tarsa deta hai..

" bolo ? " uski nazre uppar uth chuki thi aur ye mehsus karte hi mene ha mein sar hilaya.

" tumne kabhi kisi se pyar kiya hai ? " ye kaisa sawal tha, jisme ha karta to naam lena padta aur na karta to kaise ? jabki vo to samne baitha tha.. itni bar mein zindagi mein kabhi nahi fansa jitna ye dil pyar krne ke baad fans raha tha. Mene majburan na mein sar hilaya.

" hmm " usne nazar phir jhukai, " chhod dia... " kya ? mein kuch samjha nahi, aur sochne laga ki kis bare mein baat kar rahi hai.. kahin mene kuch kaha jiska jawab dia usne ?

" chhod dia pyar.. " vo boli aur khana khane lagi, mein phir ek pal socha aur jaise hi mujhe samajh aya ki vo ye keh rahi hai usne akash ko chhod dia kasam se keh raha hun meri sans wahin ruk gayi ek pal ke liye, yakeen karo mein bina sans liye zinda tha... sahi mein.... kya yahi takat hoti hai pyar ki ?

Lunch ke waqt ke baad jab mein office aya tab bhi mere kano mein akansha ki batein hi thi, mujhe yakeen nahi ho raha tha, mein kya soch raha tha aur kya hua tha... zindagi badi bitch hai bc.. chudti bahuton se hai par kisne kitna choda ye nahi batati..

" can you meet me after office ? " ye akansha ka akhri sawal tha jiska mene han mein jawab dia tha. Mein system ke samne baitha soch raha tha ki achanak meri nazar computer screen par padi jisme mail tha.

" Transfer process accepted " no... fuck.. bc.. mene click kiya to mail mein mera trasnfer accept ho gaya tha... par .... par ... mein to ab jana hi nahi chahta tha.. nahi..... nahi nahi nahi...... utha aur sir ke pas unhe mana karne jane laga lekin bc ye to ab possible hi nahi tha... shittttttttttttttttttt.... mujhe itna gussa aya man kiya ki kahin apna sar fod du ya kuch tod dun... fuccckk..... zindagi is a bitch bc... chod dia mujhe ....

Office ke baad mein aur akansha park ki ek bench par baithe the, sham ho rahi thi, park mein ane wala nahi balki jane wale log jada the. Vo chup thi, mein bhi.. kya bolun.. ye sochte hue mene socha ki mujhe kal raat ke liye ab himat karke samne se kuch kehna chahie...

" akansha.. "

" hmm " vo mere hi kuch kehne ke liye baithi thi aisa laga jis tarah usne itni jaldi jawab dia.

" kal raat jo hua.. uski wajah se tumne decision liya ? kyun ki agar aisa hai to mein shayad kabhi ye nahi bhul paunga ki meri vajah se tumhari khushi khatam hui.. mein bahut guilty hu jo bhi kal mene kiya... "

" mene nahi ankit... hum... humne kia.. " usne phir usi baat ko pakda.. sach is ladki se to mujhe bahut jada wala pyar ho gaya hai...

" humne jo kiya kahin uski wajah se tum itni guilty to nahi jo tumne itna bada decision liya ? dekho akansha mein bahut dur chala jaunga.. kabhi tumhe pareshan nahi karunga.. jitni bar kahogi utni mafi mang lunga.. bas meri galti ki saza apni life ke future ko mat do.. " meri chinta mein mene bahut kuch bak dia, jo shayad mera chintit dil kehna chahta tha. Akansha meri taraf dekhne lagi, use dekh kar to aisa lag raha tha ki vo mujhe latedna chahti ho.. itna latdena jise mere gal lal ho jaye...
 
Update - 97

" jana chahte ho ? " sawal tha ya fasane ka tarika ye ladkiyun ko khubi se pata hota hai.

" akansha,you know what i mean.. " mein itna uljha hua tha ki vo samajh gayi, vo bahut halke se muskurai.

" tumne kabhi kisi se pyar kiya hai ? " ye sawal usne lunch mein bhi pucha tha, mene tab sirf na mein sar hilaya tha, yani vo mujhse jawab chahti hai.. mene ek pal socha aur phir jawab dia.

" nahi.. aisa to kabhi nahi hua.. " bolna jitna chahta tha use jada bol dia, aukad bc ek bhi bar ki muth marne ki ho jis bande ki vo jab 5 bar mar de to jaise uska susu tak nahi nikalta mera haal bhi wahi ho gaya tha..

" aisa matlab ? "

" jaisa tumhe hua ... akash se.. " mene kisi tarah baat ghuma kar apne aap ko bacha lia vo chup hokar baith gayi, mene galat naam le liya, sala ye pyar itna taza hota hai ki zindagi bhar kabhi bhi usko kharonch le uski parat hat jati hai ye baat pata nahi thi, actually dil bhi judta hai kisi se ye baat mene akansha ke pas reh kar jani.. itni fikar to aaj tak mujhe mere maa baap se nahi hui..

" i am sorry, par akansha tumne meri baat ka jawab nahi dia, agar kal raat.. "

" i am free ankit.. seriously.. " uske chehre par ek alag hi chamak thi, " mujhe nahi pata tha ki pyar chhodne par mujhe aisa bhi mehsus hoga .. you did this... tumne azad kiya hai mujhe us janjal se.. "

" mene "

" tumne hi to samjhaya ki pyar mein agar mangne padh jaye to uska fayda kya.. mang kar to bhik bhi mil jati hai.. aur mein to apne pyar se pyar ki bhik mang rahi thi.. kyun ? "

" are you ok ? " mein uske is badle nature ko samajh nahi paa raha tha mujhe laga sadma lag gaya ise.

" tum kyun nahi samajh rahe ankit ? " usne bahut khinchte hue baat kahi, " i am free.. and i am happy... thank you " vo muskurai aur phir shant ho gayi, mein abhi bhi nithalon ki tarah baitha samajhne ki hi kosish kar raha tha, jab se kahaniyun mein love story padne ka bhut swar hua hai uppar se pyar hua hai mera mind kahin so chuka hai.

" are you sure ? "

" whattt... tumhe aisa kyun lag raha hai ki ye sab kal raat ki kiss ki wajah se hua hai ... " ek pal usne mujh par gussa kiya, first time tha jab vo mujhpar chillai thi.

" tum nahi jante kal tumne jo kiya vo koi nahi kar paya.. dil se pucho mere ki kitni azadi mili hai mujhe pyar se... " vo mere thoda kareeb ayi, uska chehra bhavuk ho chuka tha. Man to kiya hathon mein tham kar chum lun uska matha aur keh dun..

" kya tum ab kisi se pyar nahi kar paogi ? " uske jawab ki wajah se man mein sawal utha tha par puchna nahi tha ... kyun ki mein janta tha ab mein jitna akansha se pyar karunga utna dur hona mushkil ho jayega kyun ki mein janta tha ki vo mujhe kabhi milegi nahi... kash... na kiya hota pyar.. kash ye bench.. ye park.. ye sab is jagah hota hi nahi... mein jaan chuka tha ki mein zindagi ki bahut galat mod par mud gaya hun.

Pehle to vo mera sawal sun kar hansi, phir mujhpar se nazar hata samne dekhne lagi, " tum hi kehte ho pyar karte nahi.. ho jata hai... " ankhon se ek ansu chalak utha uske.

" hey.... " mene uske hath par apna hath rakh dia, jiske baad usne meri taraf dekha to mene turant apna hath hata liya aur nazre niche kar di. Ye pehla touch tha use kal raat ke baad, and i know ki mein use chu nahi sakta jabki ab vo kisi relation mein nahi thi. Mein use dekh hi nahi paa raha tha, jabki vo meri hi taraf dekh rahi thi ye mein saaf mehsus kar paa raha tha.

" why... " kyun dekh rahi hai vo mujhe aise, man mein sawal aa rahe the jiska jawab usne fauran de dia.

" i love you ankit... " mere to kano ko vishwas nahi hua, " i love you as a person.. " kan baith gaye fauran mein heart attack se marunga ye to confirm tha

" tum jo ho uske piche koi lalch nahi dikhta mujhe, na hi kabhi mene tumhare andar kisi ke liye bura dekha hai.. tumse... sorry.... humse.. jo kal raat hua usme tumhara lalch hota to shayad aur kya kya hota... lekin tumhare chehre ki is sharam se mujhe pyar ho gaya.. " vo halki hansi, meri nazar uppar uth gayi apne aap.. ladki ne bezati bahut solid mari thi.. " in ankhon mein koi lalch nahi hai ankit so don't feel guilty.. " usne apna hath mere hath par rakh dia aur dil zor zor se dhadak lagne laga... kaun chutia kehta hai dil kuch nahi mehsus karta... abe dhakano agar vo mind ka hi soft part hota hai to sine mein is khushi mix dard ka ehsas kyun ho raha hai.

" i think i found.. "

" kya ? "

" you... " vo itna bol kar samne dekhne lagi aur mein use aise hi baithe takta raha, pta nahi kab tak hum yun hi baithee rahe, kuch baat chit nahi hui par baithe rahe.

Akash ne bahut kosish ki akansha se baat karne ki, but she refused, usne us apne rishte ko aise khatam kia jaise kabhi hua hi nahi, kasam se pyar jitna kar lo par ek baar wahi pyar nafrat mein badal gaya to uska roop badal jata hai. Ye baat akansha ke close friends ko pata chal gayi thi, usne khud hi bata di thi.

" salle kahin tune hi to kuch nahi kiya.. " rahul ka shak abhi tak mujhpar tha. Mein uske puche gaye bar bar yahi sawal par kuch nahi bola.

" agar aisa hai to maal sahi le gaya bhai tu to... " man kiya salle ka jabda tod kar uske gurdon mein de dun aur uske muh mein uski antadiyan fit kar dun, sala chutiya.

" sabka ye kehna hai ki mein vajah hun tumhare break up ke liye ? " akhir mene akansha se ye baat keh di, khama kha dil pareshan tha aur uska asar dikh raha tha.

" hmm, tabhi tum kuch din se thoda pareshan the "

" nahi aisa nahi.. bas.. phir.. "

" phir kya.. ? "

" mujhe apni parwah nahi, but usme tumhe pata nahi kya kya kehte hain vo pasand nahi "

" kya kehte hain ? "

" kuch nahi.. " mene uspar se nazre hatayi aur khana khane laga, kyun ki log salle chutiye haram ke pille bina jane pata nahi kya kya bakte hain.. madarchodo ko ek din unki kismat aisi chodegi ki salle bhul jayenge ki khada kaise karte hain madarjat napunsak ho jayegi dunia

" why you worry ? "

" because.. " mein fauran bola aur chup bhi ho gaya.
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" because... mujhe acha nahi lagta " kehna kuch aur chahta tha bola kuch aur.

" kyun ? "

" bas aise hi... " mein uski taraf dekh hi nahi raha tha.

" bolo ? " par vo mujhe pura fasane ke mood mein thi.

" koi tumhe mere bare mein kuch bole to tumhe bura nahi lagega ? "

" bilkul nahi.. " usne bahut normal tone mein kahi jaise use farak nahi padta. " aur mujhe bura kyun lagega... " mera to dil hi tut gaya kasam se.. vo bollywood ke dard bhare gannon ki tarah... bc jo socha tha vo mila nahi jo paya usme kuch mila nahi.. overall har taraf se lawde lag gaye the. Gussa aya, dukh bhi bahut hua akansha ke muh se sun kar kyun ki mene yahi expect kia tha ki jaise mein uske liye feel karta hu same way wo bhi waisa hi sochti hogi.. par yahan to ulti hi kahani thi.. mujhe lag raha tha ki mene zindagi ki sabse badi mistake kar di.. expectation rakh kr nahi balki pyar karke kyu ki shayad mujhe samjhne wala koi tha hi nahi ...

" hmm.. " mene bas itna hi kaha, us pal parwah khatam ho gayi mere andar uske liye ki vo kya sochegi.

" jabki i know tum kaise ho... because i know you better than anyone else.. " sala yahi dikkat hai mere sath adhi baat sun kar mayus ho jata hun.. puri baat to suni hi nahi thi dant fatt gaye mere to vo bhi akansha ke samne aur vo dekh kar hasne lagi aur idhar mein sharma gaya to vo aurr hasne lagi.. sala ho kya raha tha ye..

' Pyar ki vo yadein jab bhi zehan mein ati hai to un yadon ki khushi aur aaj ki sachai ka gum.. itna badh jata hai ki samajh nahi ata ki hansu ya roaun.. pata nahi kyun hum kisi se itna lagav kar baithte hai ki usme zindagi ki sabhi khawishe usi mein dhudnte hain .. bhale hi ab vo hamare pas na ho.. dard sirf chot lagne par nahi hota.. kabhi kabhi vo bas hota hai jo nind mein bhi dhadkta hai.. '

Akansha aur meri ye closeness badti jaa rahi thi jabki abhi bahut si batein hamare bich nahi hui thi na hi mein janta tha uske bare mein aur na hi vo mere bare mein phir bhi hum close ho rahe the ye mera manna tha, ajeeb ho gaya hai insan sab kuch jane bina bhi pyar kar baithta hai ? Transfer ki baat ka kya reaction hona tha akansha par ye mein nahi janta tha par use batana to tha hi kyun ki ab waqt kareeb aa gaya tha.. nahi bataya to bharosa kho dene ka dar tha. Lekin mauka nahi mil raha tha ki kaise bataun.. kab batau phir ek din mauka usi ne dia, she asked ki kahin chalte hain.. jo ki ye kaam mujhe karna tha vo keh gayi thi.. to mene use bahar le chalne ke liye kaha par usne bahar jane se mana kar dia vo shanti chahti thi isliye usne apne hi ghar ka program bana lia. Mein sham ko use ke pas jane ki tayari kar raha tha, itna saz daz raha tha mano sala meri handsomegiri dekh kar vo fisal jayegi mujh par.. Mein ghar se nikal raha tha ki rahul bola kuch lekar jaio khali hath nahi ... aur jab pucha ki kya to salle ne bataya nahi ... dalla kahin ka... ab usne mere dimag mein dal di baat ki khali hath nahi jana chahie to raste mein mera dimag kharab ho gaya.

Ek bar ko to mein khali hath pahunch bhi gaya tha akansha ke ghar par jab koi aisi baat dimag mein dal de to sali nikalti nahi mein vapis aya ... market ki taraf par mujhe abhi bhi samajh nahi aya ki kya lu.. aj tak kabhi kisi ke liye ful tak nahi liya to ab kya ? ful.. flower... han bc flower bahut pasnd hai ladkiyun ko.. mein dhundta hua ek flower ki shop par pahuncha..

Vahan pahucnh kar mene ek rose lene ka faisla kiya.. bada mehnga tha sala dunia kitni chutia hai sala.. ek ful par itna paisa sala kora paisa waste hai isme ... fainkna hi hona hota hai ladkiyun ko bhi.. lekin kya kare unhe pasnd bhi wahi ata hai.. ajeeb hi bavli dunia hai ... logo ka dil uspar ata hai jiski life kuch nahi hoti

Ek ful lekar mein akansha ke ghar pahuncha, bich mein uske 2 phone aa chuke the ki kahan hun ? sali izat ki jhantein bikhar gayi meri to.. pehli hi date par late.. gate khula to mene sorry keh dia vo kuch kahe use pehle... mene pada tha ladkiyan is mamle mein bahut jaldi hurt hoti hai unhe wait karana bilkul pasand nahi hai.. mujhe lag raha tha ye love stories ek din mujhe kahin ka nahi chhodegi...
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Akansha ki nazar mujh par thi tabhi yaad aya mujhe ki mein uske liye kuch laya hun, mene fauran uski taraf vo bada dia, vo muskurai aur usne mere hath se usne rose le lia.

" thank you... come.. " rahul ka idea kaam kar gaya tha, yakeen nahi tha ki us dale ki baat kaam aa sakti hai. Mein andar aya to akansha ne aise ghar prepare kar rakha tha jaise ... jaise.... pata nahi aaj samajh nahi aa raha ki kya kahun.. kai bar shabdon ki kami ki wajah ye pal ban jate hain ... kuch aisa hi pal mujhe mehsus hua..

" baitho.. mein abhi ayi.. " mein vahin baith gaya, ghar mein behad hi dim lights thi, bahut hi sukun mil raha tha aisa laga jaise dunia se dur aisi jagah aa gaya hun jise mein jannat keh sakta hu... us din ek baat samajh ayi vo ye ki jab dil mein sukun ho tab yahi dunia jannat se kam nahi lagti yani hum apna sukun dusro mein khojte hain, unse chinne ki kosish karte hain, khushi panne ke liye dusron ki zindagi kharab kr dete hain par ye samajh nahi pate ki asli khushi khud ke hathon mein hai.. asli sukun to khud ke pas hai.. jis din hum ye samajh gaye us din dunia sukun ho jayegi...

" Wine ? but akansha mein nahi leta " akansha ke hath mein do glass dekh mene kaha, dekh kar to wine lagi to yahi kaha mene. Vo muskurai aur mere bagal mein aa baithi bahut pas... pata hai kya khubi thi usme is waqt... vo itni sobar bani hui thi jaise sundar bane ka use koi shauk na ho.. blki use jarurt hi nahi thi, use kudrat ki sundarta ke agge insan ki banai sundar chizon ki jarurat hi nahi thi.. uski khusbu ... mere to fefde uski khusbu lene ke liye gehri gehri sansein le rahi thi...vo meri ye harkat dekh hansne lagi par shayad vo jada hasna chahti thi lekin hath mein glass ki wajah se nahi hans paa rahi thi.

" perfume ki fragrance bahut achi hai.. " mene fauran keh dia, bezati par bezati karwa raha tha mein...

" hmm thank you.. " usne hansi control karte hue wine ka glass meri tarf badaya.

" mein nahi leta akansha.. "

" i know.. but isme alcohol nahi hai.. trust me" aise kahegi to zeher bhi dawai samajh kar pii lun mein to.. mene glass le liya.

" cheers " mene bhi usi ka sath dia aur jab usne ek ghunt lia uske baad mene, par jaise hi mene lia zeher wali baat vala dialog samajh aa gaya.. kehna asan karna mushkil.. bada hi wahiyad taste tha, mene fauran muh se hata dia, meri shakal aisi ho gayi thi jaise kisi ne mere tatte bhains ki tuti samajh kar noch dia ho

Akansha itni zor se hasni ki kya batau.. mene uski taraf dekha aur bas dekhta reh gaya... kya muskan thi vo chehre ki.. kuch logon ki zindagi mein bahut se memorable day hote hain jinme paise ki tariki ki hoti hai par meri zindagi mein yahi vo memorable waqt tha... use hansta dekh mein bhi muskurane laga.

" i 'll get you something else.. " vo uthti par mene uska hath pakad kar use rok lia

" its fine.. jarurat nahi.. mujhe kuch nahi chahie " mene glass table par rakh dia, usne bhi kuch nahi kaha. Mujhe jo chahie tha vo mere bagal mein hi tha use bata nahi sakta tha par mujhe to pata hi tha.

" i am sorry " usne bhi glass table par rakhte hue kaha.

" kisliye ? " mujhe laga vo wine ke liye bolegi.

" tum bahar jana chahte the par mene mana kar dia aur ghar mein hi sab arrange kar dia "

" iske liye sorry ? " mene chaunkte hue kaha to usne bhi duvidha mein sar han mein hilaya.

" mujhe to ghar jada pasand hai akansha.. i mean.. " sochne laga ki kaise kahun, " mujhe bahar jane ka itna shauk nahi hai.. agar koi apna sath ho to kahin bhi reh sakta hun even bahar ke shor se achi hai ye shanti.. mujhe shanti mein baithna pasnd hai.. vo to mene tumse isliye pucha tha kyun ki you like.. tumhe bahar jakar party karne ka shauk hai isliye.. varna mujhe to ghar par jada acha lagta hai.. vaise bhi bahar jakar bhi wahi karna hai jo yahan.... kam se kam akele shanti mein do batein aram se to ho jati hai.. " mein kuch jada aur bahut sara bol gaya tha. Vo mujhe ek pal dekhti rahi.. mujhe laga hi tha ki mein jada bol gaya.

" wao, mujhe nahi pata tha ki tum bhi meri tarah hi sochte ho "

" matlab ? "

" mujhe bhi bahar jana jada pasnd nahi hai "

" hainnn ? " ye baat mere liye bhi surprise thi auron ki tarah

" yeah.. maybe u are confused, ki mein professional mein jaisi hun wahi personally bhi.. but aisa nahi hai.. profession mein reh kar kabhi kabhi hume uske nature ko adapt karna padta hai.. personally to mujhe shanti bahut pyari hai.. " ye behad nayi baat thi jo mujhe ab pata chal rahi thi, sahi mein koi agar jane ki mujhe is ladki se pyar hua hai to yahi kahenge log ki pehle use jaan to le ache se aya bada pyar karne wala ? par kya vakai mein hum ek insan ko puri tarah se janne ke baad hi pyar kar sakte hain ? ye sawal abhi tak sawal hi hai mere andar...

" ohh.. strange.. mene kabhi aisa nahi scha tha.. mujhe laga tha tumhe pasnd hai yahi sab "

" hmm i know.. bahut si chizen unfold hai hamare bich.. "

" but mein to same hi rakhta hun.. jaisa hun usi tarah profession mein bhi rehta hun.. kabhi kabhi us tarah banna padta hai par mujhse hota nahi .. mein jab tk khud jaisa hun waisa rehta hun tb sahi rehta hun.. dunia ke hissab se chalta hun to frustrate ho jata hu.. pata nahi kyun dunia mein dikhawa jada hai.. " bolne ke baad laga ki kahin akansha apne uppar na le le.. mein use ye clear karta use pehle usne keh dia.

" mujhe yahi adat tumhari pasnd hai.. " par usne compliment de dia, ab hum ladko ko aise hi compliment se to pyar ho jata hai.. hum samjhte hain ki ladki humse pyar kar bathti hai par kya vakai aisa hota hai ?
 
Update - 98

Ye sham meri yaad mein jud gayi thi, ise pehle shayad hi khush raha honga mein apni life mein, ek insan apko itna badal deta hai ye mene abhi jana tha, agar ek insan apke chehre ki muskan ban jaye to kya wahi pyar ho jata hai ? har baar pyar ke liye sawal karta rehta hun par ab jarurat nahi thi kyun ki han mein akansha se pyar kar chuka tha, ab vo meri zindagi ki khushi ban chuki thi hamesha ke liye....

Dinner karne ke baad hum dono apas mein baat-cheet kar rahe the aur akansha apne bachpan ke kuch kisse suna rahi thi jise sun mein hans raha tha aur vo batate hue khud..

" purani yadein hoti bahut gazab hai.. " mene hanste hue kaha.

" har nahi hoti " bol kar akansha shant hokar apni sansein durust karne lagi. Mein samajh gaya ki mein kuch galat keh gaya.

" mera matlab bachpan se tha akansha.. i am sorry.. " pyar mein galti man lena shayad bahut jaruri hai, mein to yahi manta tha isliye mene keh dia.

" hmm.. " uska hmm janta tha sahi nahi hai.. mene itne ache mahol ko bekar kar dia tha bura lag raha tha aur samajh nahi paa raha tha ki kya karun.. thodi si laparwahi dil ko is tarah chotil kar rahi thi jaise koi gunah kar dia ho.

" kuch ... apne bare mein batao ankit ? "

" mere bare mein ? "

" han.. har insan ka past hota hai mera to tumhe pata hai tumhara bhi to hoga, koi to hoga jise tumne kabhi pyar kiya hoga ? kuch aisa jo tumne mujhe nahi bataya.. " mein chup.. itna chup jaise awaz hi nahi hai mere galle mein, ye baat mere chehre par saaf aa gayi thi.

" nahi batana chahte to its ok.. maybe "

" mera past.. kagaz ki tarah akansha ... likho aur mita do.. kabhi kuch permanent nahi hua.... har chiz delete button ke sath delete ho gayi.. par han ek baat hai jo mene kabhi kisi ko nahi batai... " mein ek pal ke liye shant hua " ladkiyun mein na interest dekh kai log mujhe gay bulate the... " bas mera ye kehna tha aur akansha ke chehre par hansi aa gayi, bas yahi to chahie tha... haye.. do bund uski khushi zindagi ki takdeer bana rahi thi.... ek aisi takdeer jise mein apne hathon mein is kadar likh lena chahta tha ki khud kismat bhi use mita na paye.. gurur ban gayi thi vo mera aur mein uske liye apni kismat ki lakiron mein badlav kar dena chahta tha.

" and dnt say please that u are ? " usne mazak ko aage badaye rakha.

" i .... don't think so.... " mene bhi usi andaz mein jawab dia aur hum dono khil-khilate hue hans pade. Uski hansi aur ye mahol shayad mein vapis kabhi nahi la sakta tha isliye samet raha tha... acha hua samet liya kyun ki waqt un yadon ko jarur dahurane ke liye apni takat dikhata hai aur tab uski takat ke aage hum majbur insan sirf us yaad ko mehsus hi kar pate hain jisme dil us yaad ki dard se bhara hota hai aur ankhein dil ke dard mein bhari hoti hai...

" akansha mein tumse kuch kehna chahta hun ? " yahi mauka tha.. waise bhi jane ka waqt aa gaya tha aur iske baad mujhe mauka nahi milne wala tha.

" kaho "

" mera transfer delhi ho gaya hai aur mein next week vapis jaa raha hun.. " bina ghumaye, bina kuch soche sidha sach samne rakh dia ... pata nahi kyun andar se lag raha tha ki ye baat use achi nahi lagegi... jabki hamara abhi rishta hi kya tha ? aur agar tha bhi to vo sirf meri taraf se, uski taraf se kya tha ? par phir bhi umeed thi ki use bura lagega...

Umeed ... pyar mein umeed .... yahi vo shabd hai jo pyar ko noch deti hai lekin bina umeed ke sahare hum bharosa bhi kaha karte hain... mein us waqt nahi janta tha ki akansha se lagai umeed sahi thi ya galat... lekin umeed par hi mene apni zindagi tika li thi...
______________________________

Mene pada hai umeed jab tutti hai to uski chot dil ko is kadar dard deti hai ki dunia mein rehna uske liye majburi ban jati hai. Na to ansu bahar ate hain aur na hi dil ka dard kam hota hai, ye vo janajal hai jahan fasne wala admi ek zinda lash ban jata hai aur mein is waqt bilkul aisa hi tha, kyun ki mujhe umeed thi ki Akansha ko dukh hoga mere jane ka, itna close ane ke baad to yahi umeed thi.. Par kuch nahi hua, uska ek message jiska mene 2 din se koi reply nahi dia tha aur na hi use koi baat hui thi. Hafte bhar ke baad ki flight mene kal ki hi karwa di thi, umeed ke is bhavar ne mujhe utha kar itni zor se fainka tha ki pura sharir tut gaya tha. Aaj ka din tha shayad akhri din aur mein kabhi is jagah vapis na ane ki than chuka tha, socha tha bina kahe bina bataye hi chala jaun par dil itna ... itna .. itna behen ka lund hota hai ki use koi sambhal nahi sakta..

Mein chup chap lunch kar raha tha, vo bhi ... shayad mujhse kuch baat sunne ki umeed thi use ? par kyu ? kyun mein uski umeed ko pura karun jab vo meri har umeed ko tod chuki hai...

" kya hua hai ? " akhir vo boli.

" kuch nahi " mene bina apna khana roke kaha.

" 2 din se baat nahi ki, everything is all right ? "

" hmm... busy tha transfer hai to yahan ka kaam handover de raha tha usi wajah se "

" kab jaa rahe ho ? "

" kal ki flight hai " kehne se pehle ek aur umeed jagi thi ki shayad ab ? ab kuch bolegi.. lekin hua is bar bhi kuch nahi.. Vo lunch... adha ghanta meri zindagi ka sabse chota waqt tha jiski yadein uski chuban bhut lambi thi..

Office mein farewell hua, nikalte wqt akansha mil gayi, nazre mili to usne chalne ke liye kaha. Mein janta tha ye jo sab ho raha hai akhri baar ho raha hai iske baad sirf yaad reh jayegi mere pas aur afsos bhara ye dard, jise mein ghamand bana chuka tha, kyun nahi banata, jise kadar nahi uske liye apna-pan dikhane ki jarurat bhi kya hai. Wo 10 minute ki walk sirf khamoshi mein badal gayi, jab tak mera apartment aa gaya.

" bye akansha.. " na hath mila na hi nazre. Usne bhi bye kaha aur mein uppar aa gaya. Ye rukha pan tha mera ya phir tuta hua dil keh nahi sakta par mein itna janta tha ki mein bahut dukhi hun.. itna ki shayad use koi aur samajh paye.

Subh ki flight thi, rahul gussa tha mere yun jane se lekin ana jana to ab zindagi mein ek insan ke liye aam baat ho gayi thi. Hum aaj ke waqt par marne ke baad 2 din kisi ko dhang se yaad nahi rakhte ye to phir jeeti jati zindagi thi. Mene use gale lagaya aur use delhi ane ke liye keh kar nikal gaya. Ajeeb hote hain hum insan jis jagah par rehna chahte hain ek pal mein use dur bhagne ke liye bechain ho jate hain. Pure raste meri nazar phone par thi, ek message ki umeed mein.. ek.. Taxi mein baitha phone ko itne gusse se dekh raha tha ki ek pal man kiya ki dur faink dun ise, par tabhi driver ki awaz se mein apni soch se bahar aya, airport aa chuka tha. Bag lekan checkin karaya aur boarding pass lekar gate par pahuch gaya. Abhi 30 minute baki the.. jo mere liye sabse jada bhari the.. mein bas jald se jald yahan se jana chahta tha kyun ki mujhe lag raha tha ki yahan se jane ke baad hi mujhe is ghutan se chutkara milega... par mein ye bhul gaya tha ki mein kisi insan se jitna dur bhag lun par khud se kaise ?

Meri nazar khud ba khud phone par chali gayi, unlock karke bas yahi dekha ki koi notification ayi hai ya nahi.. par kuch nahi tha, adha ghanta tha abhi, mein wahin chair par baith gaya. Khali admi ke dimag mein darzan sawal aa jate hain ...

kyu fikar nahi hai use ? itna karne ke baad bhi kya ek choti si umeed bhi galat thi use ? kya ek baar bhi phone nahi kar sakti thi ? Pyar ka rishta na sahi par kuch to hai hum dono ke bich to ? Itna ghamand, itna ego ? itna attitude ? kya pyar aisa hota hai ? kya rishte mein insan khud ke bare mein soch kar kuch bhi karta hai ? kya use dusre ki koi parwah nahi ?

Itne sawalon ke baad khud par gussa aa raha tha, hatne ka naam hi nahi le rahe the, mene ghadi mein time dekha sirf 2 minute hi beete the.. ye kya mazak hai ? itni der se baithne ke baad bhi sirf 2 minute.. Dhayan hat hi nahi raha tha, kuch der idhar udhar dekh kar waqt katne ki sochi, flight ki timing board par nazar jamaye rakhi aur purra schdule padne laga.. vo sahayd sahi baat hai.. insan ka dil jab uske sath na ho to vo dunia ka koi bhi kaam karne baith jata hai.. murda insan bhi to aise hi hota hai na.. ankhein khol do to dekhta rahega aur band kar do to bas sota rahega...

8 minute nikle the bas... itni irritaton hui ki ek baar apni jagah se khada ho gaya par phir wahin baith gaya, lachar insan bana dia tha mujhe ... gussa aa raha tha.. par kisi tarah khud ko roka, mene phone liya aur game khelne laga, yahi sahi tarika tha jo mera waqt katta aur mera dimag ka dhyan bhatkata.. kuch der to mene use khela lekin utne pure waqt mein ek baar bhi mera dimag hi nahi laga game mein.. maybe 10 minute bitaye honge mene lekin man hi nahi laga.. samajh se pare tha mere.. pehli baar mein itna lachar tha.. ' mein kabhi kisi se pyar nahi karunga please koi is dard se mujhe azadi de de ' game band karte hi dil se yahi nikla.

Announcement mein kuch minute the to mene kano mein earphone lagaya aur monitor ki traf dekhta hua song play kar dia.. buri kismat mein shayad ganne bhi vo chalne the jisne is zakhm par namak dal dia... Song play hua channa mereya

Band karna chahta tha song, lekin ganne ke lafzon ke us ehsas ko mein band nahi kar paa raha tha, jo dard shayad andar hi tha vo ankhon mein ane laga. Song khatam hua aur mene earphone nikal die, kuch minute the mere pas ya nahi the nahi pata mein sidhe washroom mein ja pahuncha, ghuste sath mujhe meri shakal dekhni chahie thi lekin mein janta tha ki mera kya halat hai, mene bas nal khola aur muh dhone laga, lekin kya is pani se mere ankhon ke pani ko rok pana asan tha ? nahi.. vo nahi ruk rahe the... mein rone laga.. bina kisi awaz ke roo raha tha.. ankhon se ansu beh rahe the, lagatar pani ko chehre par mar raha tha par rona band nahi ho raha tha.. jaruri tha ya nahi keh nahi sakta par mene ab nal band kar dia tha, chehra utha kar aine mein dekha, chehre par pani tha par khud ko dekhte hi phir se rona shuru ho gaya, chehra aisa kanp raha tha mano thande barf mein rakh dia ho, bas... koi to rok de is dard ko .. bahut kosish ki koi madad kar de... par koi apna tha hi kaha...Kisi tarah ankhon se ansu saaf kiye, chehra saaf kiya aur bahar nikal gaya.. Shayad aaj pehli baar mein kisi ke liye roya tha shayad ladkon ke rona maiyne nahi rakhta kyun ki unke ansu pani hote hain.. par sach kahun .. pani hi sahi.. inhe ankhon se nikalne ke baad andar se pura sharir khali ho gaya... ek khali hole ki tarah jisme itna andhera tha ki usne is dunia ki sabhi roshni ko bekar kar dia..

Flight mein baithte hi phone off kar dia aur ankh band karke ghante ke is safar mein baith gaya, vapis apne ghar jane ke liye...
 
Update - 99

Hum jab khud ko nahi samajh patte ki hua kya hai to dusron ka samjhna bhi mushkil ho jata hai, maa ko laga to tha ki mein shant hun par kyun ye unhone nahi pucha aur puchti to bhi mere pas jawab nahi hota kyun ki mein khud nahi janta tha. Hafta beetne ko tha, na mujhe meri khabar thi aur na hi kisi ko meri, new setup ki vajah se kaam bahut tha aur mera focus bhi sirf usi par tha.

Saturday tha, sab ya to jaldi chale gaye the ya apna time pura karke, mein abhi kaam hi nipta raha tha, next week har halat mein ise process mein lana tha vaise bhi time ki koi parwah thi hi nahi.

" han aaj bhi thoda late ho jayega, khana bana kar rakh dena khud le lunga, han theek hai " phone cut karke mene ghadi mein time dekha, adhe ghante ka kaam aur tha, takreeban 9:35 par mein office se nikla, halki halki delhi ki sardi hawa aur sardi ki vajah se sunsan sadkein, sukun dila rahi thi. Mein office se nikal kar kuch kadam hi nikale honge mere kadam vahin ruk gaye. Dhoka ankhon ka tha ya kismat kar rahi thi par akansha mere samne khadi thi. React karne ke liye na to lafz the na hi kuch aur.... par iski umeed nahi thi...

Mein itna hairan tha ki kuch soch pane ki kosish tak nhi ki, kadam khud ba khud uski taraf bade, vo behad simple andaz mein mujhe hi dekh rahi thi, mein uske nazdeek pahunchte hi jaa raha tha aur jab uske najdeek aya..

" do you know what i feel ? " mein abhi khada hi hua tha uske pas.

" i.. i.. kya ? "

" you think i don't know anything ? " mein kuch soch hi nahi paa raha tha to uske sawalon ka kya jawab deta, ajeeb sa dimag ho chuka tha.

" tum yahan kaise ? "

" do you think i don't understand ? "

" did you ever asked how i felt ? "

" did you ever notice ? "

" did you ask me ? " uske sawalon ke sath uski awaz bhi bhari ho gayi thi.

" akansha "

" no.. you didn't .. you didn't said a single thing and never thought what i wanted to say and still you think you are right ? "

" tell me ? why you thought everything is right from your end and wrong from my end ? "

" i don't... i just thought you didn't care " finally mera dil jo itne dino se band pada tha vo khul gaya.

" meri value kya thi tumhari life mein.. bas kuch din ki dosti, ise jada kya .. "

" kya expectation rakhta tumse ki mein jaa raha hun to tumhe bura feel ho raha hai ya nahi ? ya phir ye ki itne din ki mulakat ke andar mein tumse pyar karne laga aur galti kar di ek choti si umeed laga baitha ki shayad tumhe bura lagega par tumhe kya farak pada kuch nahi ? bas usi mein dil dukh gaya akansha.. aur is kadar dukh gaya ki dard khatam hi nahi ho raha .. " bolte hue mein rone vala tha isliye chup ho gaya taki himmat ikhati kar saku. Ye dard samajh nahi aa rha tha apne liye aa raha tha ya uske liye.

" you know everything ? " vo khuli hui ankhon se meri taraf dekhte hue boli.
______________________________

" tumne sab apni marzi se decide kar liya ki mene kya socha ? "

" kya ek baar bhi tumne ye nahi pucha ki akansha tumhe kaisa laga ki mein jaa raha hun ? did you asked me before leaving .. ki i quit... "

" puch nahi sakte the ek baar... kya ho jata puch lete to.. "

" kya hota agar puch leta mein to ? " mein bol pada. Vo ek pal ke liye mujhe ghurne lagi, uske chehre par gussa tha jise vo chupa nahi paa rahi thi.

" to mein tumhe yahi kehti ki kyun jaa rahe ho tum bhi mujhe chhod kar.. kya mein itni buri hun ki har koi mujhe apna thoda waqt bhi nahi de sakta.. "

" tumne ek baar bhi nahi bola akansha.. "

" kuch batein bolne ke liye nahi hoti "

" mein bhagwan nahi hun jo har batein padh lun.. kabhi kabhi hume batana bhi padta hai "

" hmm " vo chup ho gayi aur mein yun khada use dekhta raha umeed mein ki vo kuch kahegi par vo nahi boli.

" i never thought akansha ki mein tumse pyar karne lagunga, aur usi wajah se bas umeed kar baitha.. kyun ki mein janta hun ki tum mujhe kabhi pyar nahi kar paogi "
vo ek pal khamosh khadi rahi, mera dil janta tha ki is waqt mein kaise chup tha, i know..ki jo mein ek hafta pehle kho chuka hun aaj use puri tarah se kho dene wala tha.

" mene jaisa kaha.. u know everything.. tum khud se itna kaise soch lete ho "

" remember you said... ki jis pyar mein umeed ki jarurat padh jaye vo pyar kabhi aage nahi badh sakta.. " uski is baat se indication mila jaise sab kuch khatam.

" mein.. to kuch bhi bolta hun... " ankhein malte hue mein bola varna ansu bahar aa hi jata.

" tum bolte nahi sirf sochte ho, apne man se kuch bhi... tumne ye kaise soch liya ki tumhare jane se mujhe koi farak nahi padega, tum ye kaise keh sakte ho mein tumse kabhi pyar nahi karungi.... tumne ye kaise soch liya ki mujhe tumhari koi fikar nahi hai... tumne ye kaise soch liya ki mein khush rahungi tumhari jane ke baad.. mujhe batao..har chiz tum kaise soch sakte ho.. "

" par tumne rukne ke liye bhi to nahi kaha "

" shut up ankit.. shut up.." vo thodi unchi awaz mein boli par uske lafzon mein ladkhdahat thi.

" i m sorry.. " mein bola.

" sorry for what.. "

" pata nahi.. bas i m sorry.. nd thank you "

" kisliye.. " vo jhinkte hue phir boli.

" for those memories i spend with you.. " mein bas roo hi deta pata nahi kyun mujhe itna rona aa raha tha.

" are you mad ? tum kya soch rahe ho ... "

" yahi ki tum chali jaogi.. "

" shut up... idiot... mein itni dur se kya jane ke liye aaungi ? " vo mere thoda kareeb ayi.

" han ye bhi hai.. " mene phir apni ankhein saaf ki. " sorry "

" kisliye " usne apne shabd ko lamba khincha.

" umeed karne ke liye, shayad mein ye bhul gaya ki pyar mein chota bada uncha nicha nahi hona chahie, mujhe khud se kehna chahie tha bas mene isliye nahi kaha kyun ki i thought tumhe kyun farak padega... mein hun kaun ? mere hone na hone se aaj tak kisi ko koi farak nahi pada to ab kyun padega ? " vo mere pas ayi, usne mere hath pakde aur khadi ho gayi.

" kai baar hume bhagwan banne ki jaruat nahi padti hai ankit, bina kahe dil jaan leta hai... umeed honi chahie par wo umeed rishte se badi nahi.. "

" mein bhi kya kya soch baitha tha... "

" keh dete ek baar... "

" next time dhayan rakhunga.. maybe kehna behtar hota hai, kam se kam puch hi lunga.. "

" hmm " vo halka muskurai, do pal nahi lagte sab kuch theek hone mein, dikat kahan hoti hai.. kami kahan reh jati hai vo mujhe abhi samajh aya.. kami hoti hai humare andar jo hum apni batein apni umeed ke chalte keh nahi patte, shayad sahi kaha tha akansha ne rishton ke aage hum umeed ko jada bada bana dete hain.

" par tumne mujhe jane se pehle bye bhi nahi kaha tha " mujhe achanak yaad aya to mene shikayat tone mein kaha.

" kaise kehti.. "

" kyun ? tumhare andar bhi attitude aa gaya tha kya ? "

" thappad khaoge "

" nahi mar sakti.. "

" acha mar ke dikhau ? "

" kaise marogi, hath to mene pakad rakhe hai " mene uske hath thode uppar karke dikhaye jiske baad hum dono ek bar ek pal ke liye hanse aur chup ho gaye.

" tumne mujhe bataya hi nahi tha "

" matlab ? " mein thoda confuse ho gaya.

" tumne mujhe bataya hi nahi tha ankit ki tum kab jaa rahe ho, mujhe to pata hi nahi tha tum chale gaye, mujhe rahul se pata chala.. jab mein tumhare apartment ayi office jane se pehle " uske kehte hi mene uska hath chhoda aur apna matha pakad liya, ye to mere dhayan hi nahi tha ki mene use bataya kaha tha ki mein kab jaa raha hun.

" i am sorry... "

" bas ab.. tumhare chehre pr sab hai kuch kehne ki jarurat nahi "

" tum kaisi bani ho "

" matlab ? "

" matlab generally ladkiyan aisi nahi hoti, unme attitude hota hai.. tumhari jagah koi aur hota to vo kabhi mujhse baat nahi karti.. mene ek jagah pada tha jahan ladki ko kabhi koi bhi farak hi nahi padta tha ki ladka use baat kare ya na kare, jhagda hone par kabhi reply nahi karti thi ... chahe galti uski khud ki bhi.. vo uske samne ro gaya phir bhi.. use koi farak nahi pada "

" aisa kabhi nahi hota ankit, insan ek pal bhi kisi se pyar kare na to use rota hua dekh nahi sakta.. "

" ye kaise pata chalega ki vo sach mein pyar karti thi ? "

" jaise mujhe pata chala vaise.. " uske jawab ne mujhe chup kara dia. Bolne ke liye shabd nahi the aur sochne ke liye uske jitni soch nahi thi.

" par tum yahan kaise ? " ek dum mere dimag mein aya.

" tumhari wajah se idiot.. sab kuch arrange kiya jaldi jaldi.. tumse milne ke liye.. "

" aaj tak mere liye koi market se chochlate kharid kar nahi laya aur tum mujhse milne aa gayi.. " mein muskura dia aur vo bhi, sach aaj mein haar gaya par in a better way vo bhi is ladki se, kyun ki ab yahi ladki meri zindagi ka ek lauta aisa pal tha jise mein marte dum tak sath rakhna chahta tha, vo kehte hain na true love, vo ho hi gaya tha mujhe..

" chalein.. " mene uska hath pakda aur hum dono chal die, halki sardi mein uske sath, bahut si batein hui... dil ka bhoj aise halka hua jaise subh bhari saman rakh kar apni redi mein bechne nikla hun aur sham tak sab kuch bik gaya, sahi mayine mein apas mein ek dusre se baat cheet karna aur apne rishte mein hamesha rishte ko eham rakhna na ki khud ko vo khud ki khushi hi hoti hai bas hum yahi nahi samajh patte.

" jhel paogi mujhe ? " akansha ka hotel aa chuka tha, aur use chhod kar jane se pehle mein bola, usne meri taraf dekha aur dekhti rahi aur phir mere kareeb akar bade halke aur pyar se mere gaal par apne honth rakhe aur meri taraf dekhti hui badi halki awaz mein boli.

" good night "
 
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